A Goblin's Story

Prompt 18: Misunderstood monster

It’s not easy being green.

I think a cartoon frog said that once. I’m not sure exactly what he meant. Frogs are supposed to be green, after all. And I’ve seen frogs. They sit around eating flies and being green. It looks pretty easy to me.

But I’m green, and it’s really, really not easy.

Well, okay, being green isn’t hard. It’s not like I put any effort into being green. It’s more that it’s not easy being me, while being green.

I am not, by the way, a frog.

I feel like I should have led with that part, maybe. What I am.

I am a monster. Technically.

I’m not a monster in the “horrible person who enjoys hurting people” way. I’m a monster in the “well it’s not human or animal, it’s some kind of lab grown abomination” kind of way.

My makers like to call me their goblin. When they’re in a good mood. When they’re in a bad mood I’m “the mistake.” Or, of course, “the monster.”

They’re mostly in a bad mood, these days.

I don’t know what I was supposed to be. No one’s ever told me. I just know it’s not what I am.

I am a tiny, weird creature. My mass is something around 30 kg, and I’m about a meter tall. I’m green, I guess I’ve mentioned that. I’m human shaped, with two legs, two arms, and one head. My ears are big and floppy. I have really good hearing and I can see in the dark. My eyes are, I’m told, huge and creepy. They glow yellow in the dark. People jump when they see me in low light.

My favorite thing to do is make the scientists yelp and jump when they don’t notice me in a dim room.

It’s not like there’s a lot of things I can do around her for fun, anyway.

I’m supposed to stay in the lab. All the time. Forever. I’m a secret. It’s the rules.

I hate the rules.

I did get out once, a while ago. Back when it wasn’t just me in the labs. There were others, just a few of us.

I don’t want to talk about why it’s just me.

I’d rather talk about that time we got out.

It was about seventy years ago. Yeah, that’s a long, long time. I’m old. Well, I’m the oldest member of my species.

I’m also the youngest member of my species. Since I’m the only one, now.

We tricked the guards. It was hilarious. We found some stuff that makes humans sleep. We snuck it into their snacks. We were careful. We didn’t want to hurt anyone.

I might not have been so careful if I’d have known what they would do later.

But we were careful, and made sure not to give them too much. The guards fell asleep. The scientist had all gone home for the night.

We weren’t the only experiments in the labs. There were other things. Cool things, and scary things. They built weapons, and ships, and other things. We took a ship. It was some kind of stealth thing, so we figured no one would notice one little joyride.

We just wanted to have some fun. We were bored! It’s boring being in the same labs, day in, day out, without anyone new to talk to or anything exciting to do. Sure there’s the tests and experiments, but those are not fun. And they’re not new, either. They were old seventy years ago. I can run the obstacle course in my sleep now. I have. Lots of times.

Anyway. We were bored, so we drugged the guards and stole an experimental stealth jet thing.

We went flying. It was so much fun. None of us really knew how to operate an experimental stealth jet, but all the buttons were labelled and the thing was built really tough so it didn’t matter that we hit, like, every wall on the way out and several trees and maybe one teeny little mountain once we were outside.

A few buildings, too. They did not build barns very tough back seventy years ago, let me tell you. Those things just crumple like a house of cards if you hit them at high speeds with an experimental air craft.

Anyway. We went out flying, but none of us had ever seen, you know, a map. And the navigation system was, let’s say rudimentary. It took us ten minutes and a lot of trial and error to figure out which way was north. And which way was up.

We hadn’t really planned where we were going to go. I didn’t know until afterwards that we were somewhere in Kentucky. It’s a very pretty place, at least at night. I’d like to visit during the daylight sometime.

We didn’t mean to scare anyone! I swear we didn’t. We just wanted to see what the Outside Places looked like. I never saw a tree before that night!

We were just curious.

After we flew for a while, we landed, or well technically we crashed but they say any landing you walk away from is a good one and we were all walking. And we saw this little building all lit up inside, so we went and peeked through the window.

There were people inside. New people, not guards or scientists! They looked so cozy, all sitting around this table full of food, smiling and talking to each other.

I guess we got a little too excited. One of the smaller ones saw us and pointed and I started jumping up and down. I didn’t know how scary we looked, then.

The big ones, the adults, noticed us then and there was a lot of shouting. And gunshots. They shot at us!

They hit a few of us, too.

We should have run away, got back in the ship and gone back. But we were confused and scared and we thought they’d tell the scientists they saw us and we’d be in even more trouble!

So we tried to get into the house. To talk to them, to explain ourselves, to ask them to pretty please not tell anyone about us.

That didn’t go well.

They kept screaming and shooting and we kept trying not to get shot and then it was morning, and we heard cars coming and the people in the house got out and went and I think they told someone. And then the guards and scientists showed up, while they were gone, and cleaned everything up. They grabbed the ones that got hurt, and put the rest of us in the back of a truck, and took us all back.

The ones that got hurt never recovered. They pretended the bullets killed them, but I know better. I know they wanted an excuse to take some of us apart. And they did. We never saw those experiments again. Not alive, anyway.

After that, they watched us much more closely. And after that, more and more of us were “destroyed in testing” and now it’s just me.

It’s not all bad, though. Some of the guards feel bad for me. One of them snuck me this device I’m writing on. They call it a smart phone. It does seem very smart. It even finishes the words I’m typing. And I can see Outside with it.

I can look things up, too. Like what a goblin is. And I found out what those people told the police. I found out that people think we were aliens! Or owls.

And they have festivals about us! People come dressed as aliens and they make stickers and plush toys and I don’t think they’re angry with us anymore!

I have a plan.

I’m going to that festival. And I’m going to find those farmers, that’s what the people in the house were, farmers. I’m going to tell them how sorry I am that we scared them, and that I don’t blame them for my siblings getting hurt. And then I’ll take pictures with the people in costumes and maybe I’ll get to eat some of the treats.

I can’t wait!