A Monday Kind of Love

My world is going to end on a Sunday afternoon.

“To your arms someday, I'll return to stay till then,” my wife’s beautiful voice floated and reverberated between the thin walls of our space, the rich buttery smell of pancakes wafting to every corner of our minuscule apartment. It’s small and it ain’t much, but my home has never been a place; it’s always been my Mackenzie, the gorgeous gal serenading me to Elvis while cooking and drinking a glass of our good wine we got at our wedding six months ago. She’s as beautiful in this sundress as she was in her wedding gown, but then again, my opinion might be a bit skewed. I thought- no, I still think, she looks gorgeous every day. 

“Love me always, promise always, oh, you'll remember too,” God, she was magnificent in everything she did. Her auburn hair was tamed into a braid that fell down to her waist, and her white sundress with bright yellow sunflowers painted on it made her look like an ethereal fairy as she danced in the sunlight that streamed into our apartment. I will forever think I’m the luckiest man in the universe, but I just couldn’t enjoy the sight of my wife as much as I wanted to. The boisterous hustling and bustling of the city below us was too loud and the neighbors from all sides of us were creating such a ruckus that took some of my attention away. Pounding, yelling, hollering, shuffling-- it was all the dysfunctional harmonies of a frantic city. It only made me more determined to focus on her. 

Striding up and embracing her from behind, I wrapped my arms across her waist and hooked my head on her left shoulder, listening to her voice as closely as I could. “I'll remember you.” I sang softly with her into her ear as the song ended while we swayed in front of the stove, entangled with each other. If moments could be bottled, I’d give all that I had to have this one. 

“Pancakes for lunch, beautiful?” I pecked her on the cheek as another Elvis song came on. 

“Yup! Got the last of the syrup and opened up the new strawberry jam too.” She said cheerily as if nothing bothered her. 

“You opened a new jar?” My wife had always been reserved when it came to everything, using things until they were standing on half of their last leg. Hearing her open something new was a bit of a surprise to me. 

“Well, yes. It’s not like we need to save anything anymore, right?” I could only nod in agreement, smiling tightly at her. She noticed my tenseness and squeezed my hand. This woman could always read me like a book when no one else even bothered to look at me. 

My wife untwined herself from me, and though it irked me to be away from her, the pancakes were more of an urgent matter than my clinginess. She shooed me away to the couch where there was juice, coffee, jams, and syrups arranged on our small brown coffee table. Trudging a few paces away, I plopped down inelegantly on our old beige couch we picked up and cleaned from a thrift store. It was our first piece of furniture, and though we could afford to buy a new one, I couldn’t really ever let the old thing go. My wife followed suit, a comically tall stack of pancakes perched on our largest plates that were almost the size of her entire forearm.  

Mackenzie sat down beside me, pecking me on my cheek before settling herself down and grabbing some pancakes. I did the same, stabbing two right through the middle and gracelessly dropping them onto my plain sky-blue plate that was balancing on my knees. 

We sat in comfortable silence, the small flatscreen that we got from our wedding registry from Mackie’s family droning off a replay episode of some show as background noise. We were content and untroubled despite the chaos brewing below and around us. The welcome silence went on for a few minutes until the tune for the city news went off loudly, almost orchestra-esque, as if all the TVs in the building were showing the exact same broadcast. Chances are, it probably was. 

“–And coming to you live from Washington, we have a breaking developing story from the White House. National Defense has raised the alarm regarding the dropping of bombs and the activation of a nuclear weapon that is estimatedly set to land in the Northern state of–,” 

I turned the TV off with a firm press of a button, tossing the remote to the recliner beside the couch me and Mackie were on. What a world, creating a war so destructive it forces chaos upon everyone else. It was a grim reminder, hearing the news. I looked at my wife and saw that she had the same gloomy expression that I was just sporting. Gloom never looked right on her, it never belonged there. She was always meant to be happy. As our eyes met, I felt the bleakness melt away. She had always been my sunshine in that way. I smiled, and she smiled back, though it didn’t reach her eyes. I cup her face with my hand and run my thumb under her eye and on her cheek. She made everything brighter, I hope I was doing the same for her.

The bustling of the city seemed to get more frantic after the broadcast. The sirens started, the wailing of the horns mixing with the panicked cries of the people racing to escape. Evacuation efforts and some good Samaritan volunteers began their heroic crusade of getting people out of their homes and into the streets to find some form of transportation. Outside, engines were growling by the tenfold, with hordes of the population seemingly having the singular synchronous thought of getting the hell out of the city and going as far away as possible. 

Inside our little apartment, me and Mackie don’t mind. We stopped minding since we made our decision an hour ago. We started going about our day, doing whatever we wanted to do since we heard the first announcement about two hours ago. The attacks were headed straight for our area, arriving in about three more hours to wipe out an entire mega-city. Not enough cars, not enough good people to help, not enough money to pay to get out, not enough time, just not enough of everything got me and Mackie to decide to stay, come what may. We were sure that we were going to be enough for each other. 

“No, Charles. This won’t do.” She sighed, practically pawing at my hand and pulling me to stand with her. I put down my plate of pancakes in a haste and looked at her, my brows furrowing in confusion. Did she want to leave after all? 

“Stand up. Let's dance.” I sent her a bemused look, the question of why clear on my features. “For this er-... special day?” She asked sheepishly, shrugging a bit at herself. There she is. That’s who I married. Someone who never let life or death get her down. 

“Special day?” I couldn’t help but smile, both out of amusement and hysteria. 

“M-maybe? Oh, shut up," she laughed, a soft, bright, and infectious sound that reminded me of bells. "I just… I just don't want it to be sad.” She took my face in her hands, looking deep into my eyes as if she had found a refuge. I did too. “I can't let it be sad. Not when it’s with you.” She smiled a small, bittersweet smile.  

“You're right. It's not every day I get to spend the rest of my life with the gal I love.” I picked her up and twirled her. 

“Ugh, you cheesy, sappy man.” She giggled exasperatedly. 

“One of the reasons why you love me, right?” I rocked us back and forth as I set her down again, beginning a little dance.  

“One of the millions of them, yeah.” She sighed fondly, caressing my face gently with her slender yet firm fingers. 

“Only millions, love?” I closed my eyes and kissed her palm. 

“Those are the things that I know how to describe with words. There’s just not enough words in any language to describe all the things I love about you.” She pressed the volume of her phone all the way to the maximum and continued to sway with me, linking her hands behind my head as my hands went to rest on her hips. As Frank Sinatra’s soulful voice occupied the room, I could only think about how lucky I was to hold this gift of a person in my arms. 

— — —

I met my Mackie in middle school. She had just moved to our small town in California and was a wild child with a whip-smart mouth. I didn’t actually talk to her until we went to high school. It was the first day of class in our sophomore year, and we were the only two sophomores in AP Biology together. Like the sleep-deprived teenager I was back then, I had forgotten to bring a pen on the first day. I was embarrassed, fumbling through my bag for the first five minutes of class before some graceful angel waved a sparkly blue pencil in my line of vision. She made me blush with her cool smirk, making me stutter out a thank you. Since then, she’s always been the one to move first… but I always made sure I’d be the one leaving a lasting impression. 

It’s been a decade since I met her, and almost eight years since we’ve been together. Each day that passes by is a day that I wish I could keep forever, just so I can see this person who is mine for all of eternity. To keep a snapshot of all of her, to keep the memories she gives me and to live them again and again. However, those thoughts go away when I get hit with the realization that I have her for the rest of my life, and I'm left looking to live and wake up again tomorrow because she’ll be there with me. I won’t ever need to keep the memories, not as long as I’ll be able to make new ones while I’m by her side.  

Quieter were the streets after what could have been a minute or an eternity. We had only noticed after there was a pause in the playlist, the silence growing fast and prominent as mere seconds ticked by without music. I couldn’t tell how much had passed, time had always been that way whenever it would just be me and Mackie. Mostly it went by too fast, but there were days when I’d be lucky enough that the sun felt like it was giving us mercy and no longer wanted to set for fear of ending the day.

There were barely any cars left, and the ones that were still on the streets were going at breakneck speeds to get out of the city. The sirens were still on, their lone howls creating an eerie ambiance straight out of a dystopian film. The sky looked grayer than usual, streets lifeless and empty. The electricity was still on in the building, but no one left anything on. Silence was unsettling, almost apologetic to those who weren’t going to make it out. I didn’t want to look at the clock. Mackenzie had the same thoughts, but she had always been braver and more practical than me. She picked up her phone briefly to look at the time, sighed, and put it back down. It was coming soon. 

It feels prideful and even stupid of me to say, but I have no regrets in choosing to spend my last day on Earth with this amazing person who chose me right back. In a way, falling and being in love with Mackie is like what we're about to go through: inevitable, dangerous, and simply madness to even stay with in the first place. Yet at the same time, its madness is so beautiful, colorful, and all-encompassing. It sends you straight to the deep end and it never makes you want to leave, for fear of what comes afterward if you ever disentangle from its embrace and emerge alone.

Truly, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I can’t remember who said that, but they’re wise. They probably had something like what me and Mackie have. We went back to dancing as she put more music back on. 

— — — 

“Do you think reincarnation could be real?” She asked out of the blue, her head resting on my shoulder as we rocked back and forth slowly on our feet. It would come any time now. 

“I like to think so,” I said honestly, perhaps almost desperately. 

“Hm? Why?” She lifted her head off my shoulder to look into my eyes as if searching for an answer. 

“Because if it did, then there’s that chance that maybe someday, somewhere,”  I smiled looking back into her eyes, “I’ll be able to be with you again.” She’s always brought out the romantic in me. I had been nothing but helpless when it came to her, never standing a chance. 

“I was just thinking the same thing.” She smiled back even wider. 

As the explosions from the bombs being dropped had begun, we could barely muster enough energy to flinch at each of them. A rhythm and bass of destruction rang out below us. We could feel the ground beneath us shake, concrete and metal feeling like jelly under the force of it all. It was the beginning of the end, and I couldn’t help but feel an odd mix of relief and doom. I could only focus on who I was holding and the music ringing throughout our home to dissuade my terror from growing any further. 

I wanted to think it was unfair, to be furious at how cruel the circumstances had been. To shake my fists at our fate. To be filled with utter grief at how helpless we were in our tiny apartment. I wanted to curse the world and everyone in it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t be unhappy because I was right beside Mackie. 

“Hey, Charles?” She asked a beat later. 

“Yes, Mackenzie?” I said in a light and teasing tone. I refused to let fear seep into my last moments. 

“If it exists, I promise I’ll find you. I promise I’ll come back to you.” She whispered as she clung to me tighter, and I could only do the same back. It took every ounce of strength left in me to deter the sob that wanted to force its way out of my chest and into my throat. Emotions snaked their way from my numbness, gripped at my heart, and squeezed until I was breathless. I never stood a chance.  

“I know. And I promise I’ll wait for you.” I could barely choke out a few words. Maybe it seems a little bit impossible, finding each other in another life, but maybe that's what love is. Maybe a part of love is finding the possible in the impossible. 

A minute later, the sirens had stopped, even the warnings abandoning the city. The explosions grew louder and louder, closer and closer to where we stood, dancing with each other. Everything was just more. The ground was shakier, there was more dust in the air, and the fires in the streets below us grew to the point where they looked like red and orange vines climbing up buildings. 

“Any minute now, huh doll?” I rasped out. She hummed in confirmation. 

“You scared?”

“Nope.” She said, popping the “p”.  

“Why?” I asked, bewildered at her nonchalance. Hell, even I was shaking in my boots a bit.  

The explosions were still coming closer and closer, louder and louder to the point where they were slightly deafening now. The ground below us had begun to shake even harder, making me feel as though I was a minuscule pebble in a landslide. 

“Because I'm going out while looking at the most beautiful soul in the universe.” My wife sobbed out.  

“What a coincidence.” I was trying desperately for stability. Anything to be strong for her, or maybe even stronger than her for once. 

“What?” She smiled again, used to my antics. It was a gift to see her smile even at a time like this. 

“I'm looking at the most beautiful soul too. And what a sight it is to see.” She kissed me and it felt like everything was going to be alright. Mackie looked at her phone’s clock one last time before shutting it off and throwing it on the ground. 

It was just us two. No more music, no more pancakes, no more chaos outside. Just us two in our own little bubble, waiting in the midst of concrete dust clouds and red blazes for our bittersweet end. I promised myself I wouldn’t break down, but I couldn’t help but shed tears. There would be no more tomorrow. No more waking up next to her, no more having coffee in the mornings and getting a kiss before work, no more late-night talks, no more boring days together… simply no more. None left. 

Defeat and resignation, an acceptance of sorts washed over me. If our life had been a simple story, there would simply be no epilogue for us, it would just abruptly be the end. And I was alright with that. I guess the beauty of feeling defeated is you're able to just give in, which was something that I probably needed. 

“I love you.” She broke me out of my head, and I smiled at her through my tears. 

“I love you too.” I sobbed out, closing my eyes as she wiped my tears. It was an honor that those were going to be our last words to each other. She had always been the stronger one, but I knew, in that moment, she was just as weak as I was. I wiped her tears too without even having to see that they were there. Damp skin welcomed my palms and fingertips, making my heart clench even harder. 

I opened my eyes one last time to see that she had been looking at me the entire time. I blinked hard and fast to clear my eyes from tears so that I could see as clear a vision of her as possible. She would be my last sight, the very last thing I see, and what a blessing that was.   

One massive explosion went off in the distance, shaking the world. I knew that that was the one that would take us when blinding white light entered the edges of my vision, an enveloping heat overtaking my senses. As white took up more and more of my sight, I couldn't help but think: it was an honor to see the face of my angel before ever reaching heaven, her halo a symphony of auburn hair and lightning. 

I didn’t know what had hurt more, the shrapnel going into my chest through my back, skin burning from the calamitous bomb that went off behind me, or knowing this would be the last time I’d hold her and that I’d never see her grey eyes sparkle at me ever again.  

The world saw a tragedy on a Sunday afternoon, but my love will see her again. 

My world ended on a Sunday afternoon. But that’s alright because her love lasts me till Monday night. 

THE END