Forever if she could

   It was a cold spring day and Mavis sat looking out of the large lounge window. The faded brown and orange carpet had occasional shiny black splodges where food and drink had been spilt and made you inclined to want to wipe your feet on the way out. The curtains were purple and their grubby hems dragged on the floor. Mavis’s knee had recently become constantly painful and she was running her hand up and down it, watching a blue tit grab at a ball of fat swinging from the bird feeder, hover backwards and grab at the ball of fat again, doing this over and over. 
   “Why don't you just sit on it for Christ's sake,” she said. 
   “Whoa girl, why you diggin‘ me out?”
   “Not you Earl. That stupid bird out there.”
   “Dang Mavis. What's eating you today?”
Mavis's eyes misted.
   “Bloody winter, always the same. What's the point? Can't hear properly, can't see properly and now I can't bloody walk properly either.”
   Tomorrow’s another day girl.”
   “I'm tired Earl. I’ve had enough.”
A distant noise rumbled towards the lounge increasing in volume like rolling thunder until it entered, surrounding the vision that was Lily.
   “I swear I'll kill her if she doesn't turn up,” said Lily. 
   “You won't be able to kill her if she doesn’t turn up,” said Mavis acerbically.
   “Hey ladies, break it up,” said Earl.
Lily sensed that she wasn’t going to get any sympathy so she plonked herself in a tatty, brown leather tub chair almost causing an early demise for Herbert who had been dozing with his chin on his chest.
   “That blasted nail girl. I'm going out tonight and can't possibly be seen with these.” Lily fanned her hands and held up ten slender digits with immaculate looking red nail polish. “Why is my life so difficult.”
   Mavis wondered why Lily bothered at her age and rubbed her knee wondering if she would change places with Lily if she could. Mavis believed in growing old gracefully. And quietly. Her grey bobbed hair framed a face that still held its shape although creases had formed around her eyes and down from her nose. The sparkle that used to inhabit her eyes was beginning to surrender to a dullness that has moved in. As Mavis looked across the room at the colourful facade that was Lily, she answered her own question. No. She would not change places with Lily. She didn't have the energy. 
   “Damn girl, you lookin' fine today,” said Earl.
   “Don’t flatter me with hour hippy hoppy talk. Save that for the dinner ladies,” said Lily.
   “Calm down girl. You changin' the mood,” said Earl, standing up and pushing his chair with the backs of his knees. He thought it better to remove himself as Lily's prickly moods could last a while. He winked at Mavis and headed for the door although it was hard to tell if Earl was winking or not as his right eyelid dropped from a mild stroke that he suffered a few years previously. He was a big man, six foot or more and his greying hair, tight and curly, reached out from under his baseball cap as though trying to escape. The blue cap had a badge on the front with CONVERSE ALL STAR written on it. It may as well have had DO NOT REMOVE written on it as nobody had ever seen the top of Earl's head. 
   Earl stepped back as he approached the swing doors to give way to a wheelchair coming in. The doors bashed against the walls making Noreen, who was occupying a table, jump. She was doing a jig-saw puzzle, lining up different shades of green, deciding whether they belonged to an avenue of trees or herbaceous shrubs, and ignoring the uncomfortable volume that pervaded the room.
   The new arrival had everyone's attention, even Herbert, who had woken up and was watching a fly walk across the table, rub its legs together to clean itself and then take off. The newcomer, Bug, had been found exhausted, wandering in a field, without a clue as to who he was. The only word he seemed to know was ‘Bug,’ hence his name. No-one was reported missing and the staff were clueless as to who he was. Bug became the John Doe of Yew Lodge. Except he was different to the other ‘inmates' as Lily called them, not like the dementia sufferers who were mostly purposeless and agitated, nor was he like any of them. He had dark eyes that would watch you intensely, as though your soul was a book and he was reading it through your eyes, which was at first disconcerting. He was motionless, calm, and would gaze sanguinely, occasionally smile, but remain as silent as a mime. As he settled in he refused to be drawn into the usual squabbles of who was sitting where and who had the biggest bowl of porridge and as with any new fixture Bug was scrutinised, questioned and talked about, with most accepting his silent presence and continuing with their routine. He was wheeled into the lounge each day and parked by the window. From there he would watch and absorb like a dry sponge. One morning Lily tottered theatrically into the lounge looking less glamourous than she would have wanted. She was wearing a lilac leisure suit and her bed-head was held in place by a grey, satin ‘Do not Disturb' eye mask. 
   “My head. Please could you all just be quiet,” she said.
As was often the way, when Lily entered a room others vacated, leaving it with a post-apocalyptic appearance. Mavis, who had decided long ago not to give Lily the satisfaction of making her leave the room, screwed her face and started rubbing her knee. Lily's gregarious behaviour rattled Mavis and made her aches achier. 
Bug's eyes followed Lily across the room as she wafted towards them and sat down. Nobody spoke and Bug looked from Lily to Mavis and back again. Then he smiled. Lily and Mavis looked at each other then looked at Bug. Something happened that day.
   Mavis and Lily sat with Bug each day and before long Bug was out of his wheelchair, getting stronger by the day and looking a lot younger than he did when he first came in. He would sit with Mavis on one side of him and Lily on the other, watching as they spoke, watching as they listened. Lily teased Mavis at first about her gloomy nature and told her that she wouldn't know how to have a good time if it pulled up outside in a Rolls Royce full of champagne with plane tickets to Monte Carlo. Mavis humphed.
   “I’m not like you Lily. I don’t want to cling on to life for the sake of it. Life's just a joke being played on us by nature. To be honest, death will be a relief.”
   “Don’t talk like that Mavis. Life is the reason for living,” said Lily.
   “Maybe for you it is but my life is hard. It always has been,” said Mavis.
   “Life is what you make it Mavis,” said Lily.
   “You don’t understand,” said Mavis.
   “Then tell me,” said Lily. “Help me understand.” Mavis hesitated and cleared her throat nervously.
   “I've never known how to be happy. Or outgoing like you,” she said. “I've always just done what everybody expects of me.”
   “Well it’s never too late to change,” said Lily.
   “I can't change Lily. I’m in so much pain now,” said Mavis. “And anyway, I’m too set in my ways. Look at this place. We've all got old together.” 
   “Speak for yourself, “said Lily. 
She watched as Mavis rubbed her knee and began to understand her sadness.
   “Maybe I was never meant to be happy,” said Mavis. “Maybe it’s time for me to die.” Lily
Snorted.
   “Well I’m not ready to die Mavis. I’ll never be ready to die. I want to dance and sing and laugh and live forever.”
   Mavis thought this obscene and confessed that she often tried to concoct a plan that would enable her to raid the medicine cabinet for enough if its contents to see her peacefully out if this world. Thus enraged Lily and the two women began to argue, forgetting they were not alone. At first, they didn't catch what Bug said. They fell silent and looked at him. He slowly repeated, “What is the point of dancing?”
   The excitement in the lounge was palpable. Earl lifted his cap and scratched his head in confusion, which was a shame as any other day the sight of Earl's crown would have been the hot topic. Noreen stopped, jigsaw piece in hand, as though paused by a remote control and Herbert, who hadn't heard what Bug said but had heard the sudden silence, lifted his head and blinked his bleary eyes to see what was happening even though he didn't really care.
   These words didn't seem much but they were enough to get Bug whisked away for more hospital tests which showed that his blood pressure was abnormally low and that he had 20/20 vision, unusual for a man of a certain age. However, no more light was thrown on where he had come from. 

   Unsurprisingly Mavis and Lily had opposing views in what Bug's exclamation meant and soon became rivals for his attention, each hungry for their questions to be answered, as though he were an Oracle. Bug was skilled at sharing out his answers and the tine they all spent together brought them closer to each other and the rest of Yew Lodge became more distant.
   Bug was waiting by the window of the lounge for his companions to arrive. Mavis had just entered the room when Lily burst through the door as though heading for the finishing line, easing Mavis to one side. Mavis, deciding to put herself through the pain barrier in order to get there first, cut through the crib tables intercepting Lily before she reached the ribbon. Lily snorted and Mavis drew extra breath.
   “Bug. Could you please put Lily right? It seems obvious to me that if there is no point in dancing then surely everything is futile including life. I knew I was right.”
   “Mavis, Bug is simply trying to tell you how wonderful dancing is, aren't you Bug.” Bug's statement had actually confused Lily as even though she loved dancing she conceded that she didn't know what the point if it was, or even if it had a point, she just knew she loved doing it, but she wasn't telling Mavis that.
   In the beginning the two women had found it difficult to decipher their friend's enigmatic answers but gradually a change came over Mavis. She was no longer quick to dismiss Lily as being silly and her pervading sadness seemed to lift.
   One Sunday evening the Lodge was running its quarterly entertainment and the singer was an overweight Elvis impersonator that didn't look like Elvis or sound like Elvis. His silver jump suit was bulging at his middle exposing white flesh as taut as a drum. Mavis joked that his belt buttons were likely to fly off and blind them. Lily marvelled at Mavis's unfunny joke and towards the end of the evening Bug, Mavis and Lily got up and danced, laughing at flying belt Buttons, bad singing, life and the universe.
   One morning Lily and Mavis were waiting in the lounge for Bug.
   “I've really enjoyed this summer Lily. I’m not in so much pain and I’m not scared of anything and I certainly don't care what people think anymore.”
   “You've changed Mavis. We've all changed. Whether we dance with life or fight with it, change can be a good thing.”
   “You know Lily, it’s like I’ve spent the last eighty years queueing for an ice-cream and now I've got it in my hand and it tastes better than I could ever have imagined, and well worth the wait.”
   Lily knew what Mavis meant only she felt that she had been at the front of the queue when Mavis was at the back and she has been enjoying the ice-cream for a long time and didn't want it to ever end.
   Mavis died seven weeks after their night of dancing.
Lily and Bug grew even closer after Mavis's death and Lily was grateful for his wisdom and insight as it had shattered Mavis's old and twisted view of the world and allowed her to live before she died, but her own stubborn nature and fear of losing what she thought should be hers forever was harder to break down but Bug was patient, knowing he had plenty of time to make Lily see things differently. Since he arrived, Bug's memories had gradually become clear and Lily, like a dog with a bone, would not stop quizzing him until the things she learned made her question her own sanity and his. Bug had tried not to cause alarm but Lily pestered him relentlessly, day after day, wanting to know the truth. Bug had tried not to tell her, instead to teach her, take her beneath the superficial and make her understand that what she wanted would not bring her happiness, but Lily wouldn't let go. 
Lily was waiting for Bug one day and he arrived and lowered himself into a chair next to her.
   “Bug, what if...,” but Lily didn't continue. Bug's shoulders dropped and Lily saw the change in his eyes and knew he had relented. He had made her like he was. Nobody looking on would have noticed a thing, a moment like any other, yet Lily's world had changed, forever.
For a long time Lily blamed Bug and thought he had made a mistake but realized that it was the only way that he could help her to understand, and she had to understand.

   It was a cold spring day and Lily sat looking out of the large lounge window watching ‘Mavis's birds' as she called them. A thousand summers have come and gone and she now knows what Bug had always known and what he tried to show her. That infinity had robbed them, stripped them bare of any meaning or feeling. Bug left with as much mystery as he arrived with. Lily had sat by the window waiting for him but he didn't come. He never came. Some days she'll swear she can hear Earl chiding her with, “Spare me the horseshit Lily,” or that she can hear Herbert's gentle snuffling as his chin lifts up and down on his chest, but that summer all those years ago, the one spent with Bug and Mavis, was Lily's last summer, the one she always thinks of when the next one begins.