I Almost Cancelled

I almost canceled…..

A woman asked ME on a date. She offered to pay and even offered to pick me up.  She told me it wasn’t a date at all just to make sure that I didn’t think anything more would happen besides two people hanging out.  I almost canceled on her.

Being the sarcastic man that I am, I said: “well you better be opening my door for me too”. As I walked outside of my house she scooted past me and opened the passenger door of her car. I laughed, not even the slightest bit embarrassed, and hopped in. 

I truly don’t remember much of the ride there. Light conversation and the underlying thought of why am I here? Why didn’t I cancel?? flooding my brain. The sushi restaurant wasn’t far from my house so that feeling didn’t last for long. We got inside, sat down, and began to look at the menu. If there’s one thing I hate about restaurants it’s how quickly the serving staff approaches asking for food orders ESPECIALLY on a date.
  
“Can I take your order?” the waitress asked.

In my head I recited “No sorry, can we have a few?” or something to that caliber.  Instead I heard the blonde woman sitting across from me make an entire order, drinks and all. To this day she tells me she’ll never forget the face I made. I wish I could tell you what it looked like. I can only imagine that it was a mixture of confusion and awe. The order was not only ready to go, but detailed. She knew exactly what she wanted. I’m assuming I just stared in amazement as she smiled that insanely contagious smile.

“What?” she asked. “Do you not know what you want?” 

I almost canceled….

There wasn’t a single dry spell through the entire dinner. Not one awkward silence. It was as if we were old friends catching up, telling each other what had happened since we’d seen each other last. Every story, every sentence flowed into the next effortlessly. Never once was one of us forced to think of a generic question to keep the conversation alive. In fact, the whole night was like that. 

 After dinner, I decide to do the cliche romantic thing and invite her for ice cream. Foolishly, I thought the evening would be over at that point and she would drop me off at home with an innocent hug and a “we should do this again sometime.” Much to my delight, however, I was very wrong. She dragged me into a bar where we drank and talked more. Again, the conversation was never-ending and the laughter involved amounted to a week's worth of ab exercises. There wasn’t a single thing that I didn’t like about her. From the way her eye twitched when she was telling a story about something that annoyed her, to the way her eyes would close slightly anytime she would be intrigued by something I would say. We made love with our eyes that night. Felt each other without touch, exchanged parts of our soul before even a single kiss was shared.  

I almost canceled….

We went back to my place, drunk and entirely too tired to carry on for the rest of the night.  Apparently though, we didn’t have enough of talking as we woke up just a couple of hours later. We sat and talked for 3 hours about anything and everything, both of us hungover,  needing to go to work but finding it hard to leave. I vividly remember exactly where she was sitting and precisely how her lips would curve when she smiled at me. We kissed as she got in her car, a kiss that felt like it had been shared between us a hundred times before in dreams. Neither of us knew that we’d be dreaming of finding each other our whole lives.  

I almost canceled….

8 months later we broke up…
8 months filled with laughter until we cried.
8 months of smiling until it hurt.
8 months of memories that were burnt into our hearts.
8 months and all that was left was the promise that it wasn’t over.
8 months later and it was… 
8 months and the words she and I live by are “until next time”.
8 months of dreaming of being with this person for the rest of my life.  
8 months of effortlessly weaving this person into my life. 
8 months, and then the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life

I almost canceled…..

If I canceled, I wouldn’t feel the pain. I wouldn’t feel the loss. I wouldn’t miss her as much as I do.

If I canceled I wouldn’t know what I’m missing.

I almost canceled.

And I regret nothing.