Jamie's Dad

Jamie's Dad

Grade One was all about the Dad brags.

My Dad can beat up your Dad. 

My Dad can jump out of a plane.

My Dad can eat 12 hamburgers. 

Back in Grade One, it seemed most anything was possible.

My Grade One experience was a tiny school, perched way atop a giant hill and surrounded by forests.  Glenn Cedar School. New Market. I knew what a cedar was.  I had no idea what a Glenn was.  I wasn't really sure about New Market or what was wrong with the old one.   Not that any of that mattered.  The only thing that mattered was Dad brags.

One kid really sticks in my mind.  Jamie.  Jamie had the tallest tales to boast of his father's prowess. Ultimate Dad brags!

Jamie was a slight boy, thin and not athletic.  He got along better with the girls than most of the guys.

Michael's Dad can bench press 280? Jamie's Dad once shoved a boulder off a cliff.

Brett's Dad can drive 3000 mph? Jamie's Dad once ripped the door off a truck!

Sean's Dad can drink 12 beers and eat 15  hotdogs? Jamie's Dad once drank 48 beers then ate the neighbors dog. 

Yeah.  Jamie's Dad brags were definitely something. 

We felt bad for Jamie. He lived in town with his Mom and would only visit his Dad every other weekend.  Other Dads would make appearances at T-ball games or neighborhood BBQs. Occasionally a Dad would drop off a lunch at school or honk as they drove past the playground.  Everybody's Dad was around.  They were off doing important Dad things.  Work.  Mowing lawns. Making noises in the garage.  Dads were definitely in the picture.
But it was always just Jamie and his Mom. She sat alone in the t-ball stands.  Single seat at the Christmas concerts. We felt pretty bad for Jamie. Poor guy, just him and his Mom. 

Well, Jamie, his Mom and what we were fairly certain was his overly exaggerated Dad brags. 

But still, Grade One is all about the possibilities.  You're learning about the world.  Maybe Jamie's Dad DID fight an entire pack of wolves.   Maybe Jamie's Dad can climb the highest tree with just his bare hands. Maybe Jamie's Dad WAS shot and ripped the bullet out with his teeth.
Honestly, real or not, I needed to see this for myself.  The man.  The myth.  The legend.  Jamie's Dad. 

But Jamie always had an excuse.  His Dad was busy. His Dad was in a bad mood.  And honestly, the poor kid's Dad was barely around. 

But that didn't stop a group of us guys from badgering poor Jamie into letting us meet his Dad. 

So, one Friday after school, lunch boxes in hand, we marched off down the hill towards Jamie's Dads house. 
Jamie told us his Dad lived aways in the forest, cause he didn't like a bunch of people around.  Made perfect sense to us. 

So trudging through the woods, our little group of six years olds going to meet Jamie's Dad. We kept walking as the noise of the highway faded behind us and the forest grew thicker. Thick pines blocking out the light. 

"Almost there"  Jamie would tell us. 

Everyone of us guys, except Jamie, was terrified.  We were pretty deep in the woods by now, and we knew we shouldn't be.  
But it was too late now. 

I knew my Mom would kill me if I ever got out of this alive.  So I kept walking.  If we were indeed lost, and somehow were rescued, I was banking on my Mom's relief at seeing me alive  to overshadow her red hot anger at going on this stupid journey in the first place. 

As I silently debated what was the better option, dying in the woods or death by Mom we stepped into a clearing.   Jamie called out "We're here!"
Here was nowhere.  Just a clearing in the woods. 

Ahead of us was a cave. 

A literal actual cave.  All dark and scary. The kind of that one would find littered with the  gnawed bones of a group of brave six year olds. 
My young mind tried to grapple with the fact we were "here" and HERE was a deep dark cave.  

My thoughts were interrupted as a bone chilling growl escaped from the cave. A huge angry black bear shot out of the mouth of the cave. Claws tearing into the earth.  Jaws open.  Spit flying.  Red bloodshot eyes taking me in.  Mouth roaring as it galloped towards us. 

Jamie calls out "Dad, meet my friends!"