My Angel, My Queen

She smiled when she greeted me this morning, just like every time I saw her. 

It was something I would never be able to forget; the way her eyes sparkled in the rising sun, the way it was only ever me who got to see it. I suppose that's why I treasure it like a trinket- it may seem small, but there is nothing in the word I value more.

I will never forget.

Just like every day, she seemed to glide over floor, illuminating the small white room with an artificial glow. I couldn't resist smiling back, and why not? She was the warmest person I had ever had the pleasure of meeting, of having the pleasure of spending my time with.

She made the long, tiresome days bearable - some days even enjoyable.

Her laugh, her angelic voice and her unwavering enthusiasm. And she had never once changed! A women of perfection. An angel A godless. My Queen.

But I would never hold her captive in this space with me, no, she visits everyday because she wants too, because she loves spending time with me too! 

I'm so lucky to have her here, to have her support. So many others go years without a single visit, many never seeing anyone outside of these walls. She gives me hope. 


I know she will never leave me, not again. She's not like that. She's perfect!

Maybe one day, we can escape together and live by ourselves. We dream of saving and buying a house by the coast, she wants to be close to the sea. I liked the idea - the echoes of the crashing waves could be calming. They tell me I need to be calmer. So does she.

I don't know why they are always so worried. I'm not dangerous. I want to live normally, I want to live with her. I dream about this tranquil life with her, I dream of being free. Why would I do anything to ruin that? I'm ready!

These thoughts cloud my mind, sending the room into a blur. I try to run forward, but the chain's drag me back. I always imagined going blind would be like being trapped In a dark room. But now i imagine it's I've being blinded by a sharp beam of light. The white room surrounds me.

And where did she go?

I can no longer see her, sense her around me. The presence is always so strong, and I fear being left here on my own. Why would she leave? We were going to be together forever.

But she left me here - to rot.

“ But I could never leave you” her voice was smooth, but sent a chill down my spine.

“ Don’t you remember? I will never leave you!"

I tried to pry my eyes open, but all I call see was the blinding white walls.

"Where are you my love"

"Where you left me..."


She appeared then, but her appearance was distorted. The smile was no longer as bright and welcoming as I remembered, no longer reaching her eyes, no longer warm. Her eyes were a light grey, but I was sure my were once spangling blue. 

The skin was too dark, as though she had never seen the sun... No... That's not right. Her skin was dark like it had been neglected. Spoiled. Rotting. 

She was not the women I remembered her be. 

But now I remember...

She stepped forward, her leg visible beneath the tattered dress that she wore. Again, her shin was rotting on the bone.

She reached forward, placing her cold, damp hand onto my cheek.

"What's wrong love, why are you so out of it today?'

I couldn't meet her eye

" it's an anniversary of sorts."

"Our anniversary?"

"No"


She looked at me through her hollow eyes.

"Today was the day you died"



The door crashed open, and though the haze I saw a young man, holding a tray of pills. He busied himself in the corner, rattling the tray containing a vast array of coloured capsules. I noticed the tension in his back. He couldn’t meet my eye. 

I wanted to reach out and strangle him, I wanted to pull him away from the light and force him to understand my dull existence. I wanted him to feel the pain I did- the sharp ache in my chest when ever she left me again. It even if I have in to those thoughts, the chains and the jacket kept me from moving my hands. 

I’m not dangerous. 


"Any hallucinations today pall?” 
  

I just want my love back.