"Paranoia" | Memoir | Part V of VI | Travel Journals

The moment my feet hit Russian soil, paranoia set in. To compound my apprehension, a Russian law enforcement officer was there to greet me. The air was thick with tension, a palpable reminder that I was far from the familiar comforts of home.

The flight attendant swung the door open, revealing a man in official police attire, armed with a gun and ready. His presence was imposing, and I felt my heart race. Our eyes met, and he inquired, “Mia Z. Edwards?” Panic gripped me, catching me off guard. Summoning my courage, I replied, “Yes, I am Mia Edwards.”

He motioned for me to follow him. I thought, “This is the end! I’m about to be taken captive!” My thoughts spiraled into worst-case scenarios, imagining the headlines if I vanished without a trace.

Glancing back at the flight attendant, she gave me a reassuring smile, acknowledging that she had seen me depart with the Russian official. It was a small comfort, but one that anchored me as I walked into the unknown.

The Russian officer guided me through the bustling airport, a maze of unfamiliar sights and sounds, to my American contact. A surge of relief flooded me as I identified him from the picture included in my trip briefing book. The meeting felt surreal amidst my initial intimidation, and together, we flawlessly accomplished our mission.

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Post-mission, I was escorted to a luxurious hotel for the night. The lavish décor surrounded me, yet I was too nervous to venture beyond the safe confines of the hotel and into the city, fearing a possible abduction.

While in my room, I wanted to order food but was afraid it might be poisoned, so I opted for some nuts and crackers from my luggage. It was not a satisfying meal, but I spent the night hungry, acutely aware of my solitude. As I lay on the bed, an unsettling feeling overcame me, as if I were being observed within my hotel room. My paranoia was at an all-time high. Every creak of the floorboards and whisper of the wind heightened my anxiety, leaving me restless. Sleep was an elusive companion that night, my mind plagued by fears of being held hostage and thoughts of how things could have gone terribly wrong. I replayed every detail of the day in my head, hoping to find solace in the familiarity of planning and preparation.

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The next morning, as I prepared for the trip back to Washington, D.C., I couldn’t help but think, “Great, now I have to endure a terrifying flight back to the United States. What a joy.” The thought of strapping myself into an airplane seat again filled me with dread, but I realized I had faced my fears coming to Russia, and I could do it once more to get back to Washington.

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Gradually, I evolved into a seasoned international traveler. My fear of flying subsided, being replaced by excitement for the forthcoming adventures that lay ahead. Each journey became a new chapter in my life.

Overnight stays in foreign lands no longer filled me with terror but instead sparked a curiosity to explore the world around me and connect with different cultures. My mission, once deemed impossible as a novice international traveler, had been fully accepted and accomplished, igniting a desire for future endeavors filled with hope and determination.

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(Copyright © 2025 by Mia Z. Edwards. All rights reserved.)