presumed guilty

As the tale goes, a young shepherd boy grew bored sitting around, tending the flock. In an attempt to amuse himself, he would shout “WOLF!” and all the people of the village would come running to his assistance. Broomsticks and tools brandished as weapons, flailing wildly over the villager's heads. The villagers, all whipped into a fury of rage, ready to commit murder on the marauding wolf. But when the villagers arrived they found the shepherd boy all alone. There was no wolf in sight. 

Well, the boy kept this up until an actual wolf actually showed up! The boy's screams for help were ignored. Everyone in the village presumed him to be a liar. So the wolf ate all the sheep. 

Wolf one. Boy zero. 

The moral of the story, the boy was persecuted for his lies. So unfair. 

To me, the real hero of that story was the boy! He was only attempting to lighten the mood! Give people something to talk about! It wasn’t his fault all those sheep died. Who cares about sheep anyway? 

Ain’t nothing wrong with adding a touch of spice to enhance the truth. Boredom busted! I could relate to this boy.  Cry Wolf! Shake things up a little! 

Presumed Guilty 

It was recess time at Glen Cedar School for Children. The Grade 3 crew; Brett, Jamie, Jessica M. Jessica S. Michael, Other Jessica. We were all playing Murder Ball. The rules were simple. Everyone stands by the wall. One person throws the ball as hard as they can. You get hit. You die. Murdered. The game really hurt, and wasn’t much fun. 

Jamie lined us all up on the wall, wound up his arm, and pulled back. I closed my eyes. Bracing for the pain. 

The ball traveled through the air. A rubber red sphere of death and pain hurtling towards my face. 

The ball missed. 

Jamie was terrible at this game. The ball bounced off the wall, hit the ground, and rolled away. 

“I'll get it!” I shouted and took off after the ball. I was always the one to retrieve it. I would go just as fast as necessary to get the ball, then take my sweet, sweet time walking back. Each second I dragged my legs, was one second not spent playing Murder Ball. 

Murder Ball. Where were the teachers anyway? 

I followed the ball as it rolled further and further from our game. Over fallen leaves, through puddles,to the very edge of the hill. The ball showed no signs of stopping as it reached the hill and began picking up momentum. I jogged along behind it. Just enough to show my friends I was indeed invested in bringing the murder ball back to our game. 

I followed the ball as it continued down the hill and towards the forest. Over grass, and leaves the little red ball continued. I knew that the further away it rolled, the safer I was from the game of Murder Ball. 

The playground at Glen Cedar School for Children was completely surrounded by a chain link fence. Over twenty feet tall, the fence served to keep the children safe from the dangers that lurked in the forest.. The deep dark woods were filled with all sorts of terrifying creatures. Rattlesnakes. Wolves. Bears. Wolverines  Teenagers smoking. Quicksand. Cannibals and hermits. Playground tales told the Devil himself lived in these woods! 

The ball came to rest against the bottom of the fence. As I bent to retrieve it, I heard a sound. 

“Shhhhhh”

Thinking I had disturbed a rattlesnake, I paused and looked up. 

Right into the eyes of a masked man. He was crouched in the bushes on the other side of the fence. His eyes stared directly into mine. I knew all about Murder Ball, and this man wasn’t playing. 

He drew a gloved finger to his lips, still staring right into my eyes, and once again said “Shhh!”

His other hand held a large black pistol. Tucked between his feet, were white cloth bags emblazoned with the universal symbol for money.  $$$! 

I had watched enough TV to know what was happening here, this man was a bank robber! 

Cool as a cucumber, I bent to retrieve the ball, and turned, walking back up the hill as the recess bell rang. Careful to not let my feet rush, and give my true feelings away. This was not the time to panic. I needed an adult!

I was sure the bank robber was still watching me from the woods. I could feel his eyes follow me. I wasn’t going to give into the panic that I felt rushing up from my stomach. Slow and steady. I followed all the routines of lining up at the door, walking into class and hanging my coat in the cubby. Indoor shoes on my feet, I went to the carpet and sat. Calm. Nothing to arouse suspicion. I was being watched. I really needed an adult. Immediately, I put my hand up. 

“Yes, Kevin?” Ms.B called “Do you need the washroom?”

“No.I have something important to say” I squirmed. 

“Are you sure? We all remember what happened last time. Maybe you should use the washroom?” she intoned. 

Apparently I had a reputation not just for stretching the truth, but also for peeing my pants. 

Regardless, I pressed on. 

“Ms.B, there’s a bank robber hiding in the forest! He has a mask, and a gun, and he has a bag of money, and he’s out there right now, and I saw him, and he’s real, and he’s really out there! A BANK ROBBER! You need to call the police! HE HAS A GUN!”

Ms. B started at me as the information sunk in. 

The class started. Mouths open. Eyes wide. This was BIG news! 

“Alright Kevin. Alright class” Ms. B went on in her calm voice “I know just how to handle this situation. “Kevin, detention. We don’t condone the telling of lies.

Then she read “The Boy who cried Wolf” for story time.  All the while making direct eye contact with me. 



I served my detention, behind the school cleaning blackboard brushes. With each smack of the brush, clouds of chalk dust erupted into the air and into my lungs. After an hour, I was covered in chalk. My eyes were itchy and my breath was coming out in a wheeze.  I could barely breathe. I could barely see. 

When Ms. B was finally sure that I had at last learned my lesson, so she sent me home. 

It was late by the time I got home. My family had already eaten dinner. I took my food into the family room, and sat sullenly in front of the TV.
 
“Good Evening, our top story tonight is about a bank robber who was apprehended outside of Glen Cedar School for Children!” the reporter announced. The screen flashed to a scene of the dejected bank robber being led into the back of a police van. Head bowed. Hands cuffed. There behind him, Glen Cedar School for children. There far, far in the background, hidden behind a cloud of chalk dust was me! 

“Police wish to thank the courageous teacher who called in the tip” the reporter continued as the screen switched to a scene of Ms. B, shaking a police officer’s hand. All around them cameras flashed. Ms. B accepted a large check and shook the officer’’s hand. “There is no word on how she plans to spend all the reward money”. 

Ms. B wasn’t at school the next day,or ever again. Word on the playground was enjoying her early retirement. 

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