Snowflakes

Snowflakes were slowly falling down outside the window. They landed on the windowsill and piled up in small, wavy mounds. It was perfect weather to make a snowman, Trixie thought, but that kind of carefree fun was out of reach for her. She put the scissors down on the coffee table next to her wheelchair. She had been sitting on the spot by the window since breakfast, and her back ached. She felt numb. She picked up her cup of hot chocolate, but it had gone cold. She felt hungry and thought it must be lunch time already, and wondered why no-one had been in to offer her any. She looked around the room; at the bookshelves circling along the walls and the wreath of ivy, mistletoe and golden hearts over the fireplace. Then she looked at the paper snowflakes scattered around her, and the clippings all over the floor. She sighed at the thought of another day ticking by, with nothing but some paper snowflakes, a cup of hot chocolate and a pile of romantic Christmas novels she had already read, twice, to show for it. It was December but she felt all out of cheer. She wanted to be outside. Run through the woods to the seashore. Walk across the ice to the island. She frowned and tried to shift her position, but her left leg, stretched out on the pouf in front of her, felt heavy and wouldn’t move. She felt a sharp sting of pain on her thigh and an itch on the shin, and wished she could scratch her skin inside the cast that ran the whole length of her leg from groin to ankle. She shivered at the sight of it, reliving the moment of the crash that had broken it, and more, two months before. She swallowed the lump in her throat back down. Tried to bury it deep enough to never feel it again. But she knew it was impossible. The sorrow, and the guilt tended to creep up unexpectedly. That much she had learned stuck in this room with nothing but thoughts for company. 

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” she heard the song from the room next door, with her Mother singing along to Michael Bublé.  
“Mum?” She shouted. “Can I have some lunch? I’m hungry!”
Trixie heard footsteps and the music got quieter.
“Bellatrix? Did you call out for me?” her Mother inquired in a high pitched tone.
“Yes mum! Can I have lunch?” She shouted with a growing frustration.
The music stopped and there were more footsteps. Trixie heard her mother opening the door behind her wheelchair. The chair was facing the bay window, with its back against the entrance of the library, just so she could look out to the woods as much, and as often, as she liked. 
“What would you like then?” A cheese on toast? A warm salad?”
Trixie tried to crane her neck to see her Mother, but it wasn’t possible. 
“Could I have one of those chocolate muffins Liz made last night, please?” 
“Sure, but is that enough?” Mother said disappointedly. 
“Yes. It’s not like I need to be stuffing my face ‘cos I’m doing so much hard work here”, she replied. 
“Ok Trixie”, Mother conceded and closed the door.

Trixie looked out of the window at the snow falling down from the grey sky. It seemed to be growing into a blizzard. 
“There is beauty to the greyness in winter,” she said to herself. “the snow makes the lack of sun much more tolerable.”
It was like having a room full of friends around you, instead of an empty space. She thought about her sister, and her Mum, who had the freedom to come and go as they liked. And though they tried, they didn’t really bring much company to Trixie. They didn’t feel like talking about books and poems, or enjoy watching cozy films with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in them. They preferred to talk about shopping and beauty tips, or to watch horror films, or even worse, reality TV, which Trixie hated. Father had hated those things too, but she couldn’t think about him. She quickly turned her thoughts towards the film cabinet, and what to watch after lunch. She knew she was avoiding the the grief she needed to let out, but she didn’t know how anymore. She didn’t have any tears left. She’d done all the fighting she could with her Mother. She'd screamed into pillows and thrown things across rooms, but nothing eased the pain, or the feeling of guilt. She realised nothing would bring him back. It was her fault. She had made him teach her to drive. She had been behind the wheel. She had ignored his instruction to stop and check before crossing the junction. She had driven in front of the lorry that broke her leg and his spine. She had been reckless, and he had paid the price. She wished the police had prosecuted her for killing her Father, but she wasn’t granted such a punishment. It wasn’t her fault, they had all said. But it was! She had been bluntly honest about everything, but they wouldn’t be hard on her, no matter what she said. Well, this was her punishment, she decided. This was her prison sentence. The isolation she felt was well deserved, and she would not complain. Admittedly, it wasn’t as extensive a sentence as proper imprisonment would have been, but she was stuck at least as long as it took a thigh, a knee and a shin to heal their ligaments and bones. She thought the pain of that was an appropriate, added bonus to her make-do punishment. 

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas,” Trixie heard Michael Bublé start in the room next door, and Mother along with him. Her voice grew closer and got to the door. 
“Here’s your lunch my darling,” Mother said as she placed the tray with two muffins, a bowl of walnuts and a hot cup of tea on the table next to her. “Try and eat it all, please,” she said and lowered her hand on Trixie’s shoulder. Then she took a hairbrush from the table, and ran it through Trixie's ginger hair. She felt the tension in her body melt a little with each brush stroke.
“Do you need anything else?”
“Could you put You’ve Got Mail on for me, please?”
Trixie asked for the familiar distraction that would guarantee some comfort.  
“That one again? Are you sure?”
“One hundred percent,” she replied and managed a smile.
She watched Mother walk to the wooden cabinet with all the old DVD’s in it. She ran her fingers over Father’s favourite movies, as if touching a part of him that she missed. Trixie saw her wipe her eyes on her sleeve as she closed the door to the cabinet, and turned towards the bookcase with the old TV and DVD player. This is when Trixie’s guilt used to make her burn up inside, and burst through her mouth with vile anger and accusations at her mother, who simply suffered and grieved in silent tears. Trixie could not stand it. She wanted Mother to be angry with her. To somehow ease her guilt with fury. But she never did. She was never anything other than understanding and kind. And now, finally, it seemed Trixie had grown tired of reacting with the burst that wanted to come out. And she realised it wasn’t quite as intense as it used to be. Perhaps time heals some parts of your grief, she thought. Mother set the movie on and stood behind Trixie for a while, rubbing her shoulders. 
“Anything else then?” She asked. 
“No. Thanks mum”, Trixie said and placed a hand on her mum’s warm fingers resting on her shoulder. 
“Ok then. I think I’ll pop out to the shops. Elisabeth will be in her room if you need anything. I’ll see you later sweetheart,” she said and walked away, humming along to her music. 

Trixie woke up to a bang in the window. It was dark, apart from the light emanating from the TV screen.The film had ended, and the DVD player was looping a screen saver with bright colours on it. Trixie thought she had imagined the bang, and turned over shout into the corridor, to ask Liz to help her with the lights. There was another loud bang, and it made her jump. She tried to look out of the window, but it was too dark to see anything. 
“Liz, could you come here please?” She shouted.
“Why?” She heard her loud inquiry. 
“I need help with the lights! It’s dark in here! And I think there’s someone outside. I also need the loo!” She decided to add, just to annoy her even more.  
“Oh come on! You know you can move that chair yourself!” Elisabeth replied on her way down the corridor. 
“Oh I can, but I can’t reach the light switch because of my leg poking out, can I!”
Elisabeth appeared at the door and put the lights on. She went to the window and looked outside. 
“Can’t see anyone there, but at least it has stopped snowing. Why do you think there’s someone outside?” She asked.
“There was a bang on the window. Twice.” Trixie explained. 
“Oh. I think there’s snow on the window pane. Someone must’ve thrown a snowball at it!” She remarked. “Must be one of the new kids next door.” 
“New kids?” Trixie looked up in surprise.
“Yeah. The new neighbours. They came last week, didn’t you notice? They’ve got four boys, but none of them of any interest really. Two of them are like, ten or twelve, and the two older lads are strange. One of them is in my class now. Never says much.”
“I remember us being the weird ones when we moved here from the UK. Maybe you could help him blend in?” Trixie suggested, apprehensive about her sister’s response.
“No way. I’m not risking my gained status in class for the weird new guy,” she said with disgust. Trixie cringed at the retort.
“How about the trip to the loo then?”
“Argh, fine.” Liz said and grabbed the handles of the wheelchair to push it out of the room and down the hall. 

Trixie’s own room was large, with a massive four-poster bed in the middle, and a beautiful bay window facing the garden. Normally, Trixie would have sat on it, cross legged, reading and looking outside, as much as she could. But for now, she had to make do with the comfort of her wheelchair. The spaciousness of the room helped with manoeuvring the wheelchair around. Liz pushed her in to the ensuite and next to the toilet, and closed the door behind her for privacy.
“What about the fourth one?” Trixie asked through the door.
“Huh? What fourth one?” Liz wondered.
“The new neighbours? You said there were four boys.” 
“Oh yeah. Gorgeous. But doesn’t talk much either. I’ve tried, believe me! He goes to University across town, he said, first year, so he must be a year older than you. He also walks down to the woods most days, I’ve noticed.”
“I’m finished!” Trixie said and pulled up her shorts standing on one one leg, with the other one resting on a stool in front of her. Elisabeth opened the door and helped her sit down on the wheelchair. 
“He goes to the woods?” Trixie wanted to make sure she’d got that right.
“Yeah most afternoons I’ve seen him.”
“Oh. Must be when I’m watching a movie, so I’ve missed it.” Trixie said, noticing she was feeling disappointed for some reason.
“Yeah. So there you go. Maybe you’d like to be friends with him, but I’ve decided to steer clear.” Liz said as she pushed the wheelchair out of the bathroom. “Back to the library?”
“No, I think I’ll stay here actually, if you could help me onto the bed?” 
Trixie preferred her bedroom when it got dark, as the windows looked out to the back garden rather than the front of the house. 
“Sure. Wanna check out the newest online shopping I’ve done?” 
“No thanks. Just bring me my books and my laptop, please?”
The doorbell rang and Elisabeth sighed in frustration at more distraction from her shopping. 
“Wait, I’ll be back after I’ve seen who’s at the door,” she said, and disappeared in to the corridor. 

Trixie remained in her wheelchair, waiting for Lizzie to answer the door. She listened to her footsteps thumping down the staircase and reaching the foyer. After that she could’t catch any more of what was going on. She stared at the pattern of her wallpaper and decided she was still pleased with her choice. Father had put it up, and said he liked it too, with the snowdrops, blue crocuses, St. John’s wort and echinacea on a charcoal background. Bright, colourful spots of life and medicine, in the dark greyness of existence. Father had left her all this.
There was a knock on the door and Trixie was woken from the thoughts.
“There’s a couple of chaps here to see you Trixie. Can they come in?” Liz walked in with raised eyebrows. 
“Oh,” Trixie said and looked down at her dark green woollen jumper she’d worn for days, her fluffy pink shorts and the colourful knitted sock that came up to her knee on her right foot. Oh well, she thought. What else was she supposed to wear in a wheelchair?
“Yeah, sure,” she said and turned to look who it was. She wondered if it was John and Mark from school. But they usually called before they brought her homework. Uncle Richard and cousin Jack would have announced their visit well in advance, too, and mum hadn’t said anything. Yet, she was surprised when two strangers walked in; a tall boy in a red lumberjack coat and a black beanie hat, with another, much smaller version of the same figure behind him. They both had golden wavy hair poking out of their beanies.
“So guys, this is Trixie. Trixie this is Jared, and behind him is Jason.” Both boys gave a little wave and a smile.
“Hi, are you the new neighbours? I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to come and meet you. I’ve been stuck indoors for the past couple of months, as you can see…” Trixie attempted a smile and glanced at her leg. So did Jared and Jason. 
“Yeah, we just found out about it, and about you! We didn’t even realise there was another girl living in this house… Sorry to hear you’ve been stuck in here for so long. Surely you’ll be free of that soon?” Jared asked and pointed at her plaster cast. 
“At least another couple of weeks, I’m afraid. Then I should be getting crutches to move around with.”
“That does sound like an improvement.”
“Yes, I suppose it will be,” Trixie said thoughtfully, wondering if she’d feel like the punishment was enough by then.
“Anyway, we came to apologise for scaring you.”
“Oh! What do you mean?” 
Jared said nothing but instead moved aside and pushed his little brother in front of him. 
“Go on then,” he said.
“I… I’m sorry I scared you Bellatrix.” Jason said glancing at his brother for approval.
“Ok. But can you explain how you scared me?”
“Well, I was throwing snowballs across the hedge. And she… Liz, said you’d been scared when they hit the window.” Jason explained. 
“Oh. I see. Well you did wake me up and then startled me with the second blast. Must’ve been some proper whackers!” Trixie said, trying to lighten the mood and the boy’s burden. 
“Yeah. I made them extra hard.” He grinned.
“Yeah I noticed he was doing that, and wanted to come and check you weren’t disturbed by him, or that he hadn’t broken the window or something!” Jared stepped in.
“Ah, no worries! No harm done. And I actually appreciate the slight change to my monotonous days,” Trixie grinned and looked at Jason, who seemed to have checked out of the conversation already. “Well thanks for stopping by… And Jason, it’s ok, as long as you mind where you throw those whackers next time!” 
Jason nodded and turned to walk out of the room, pleased it was over.
“I will. Bye!” He said as he disappeared around the corner. 
Jared lingered behind, examining Trixie with his keen blue eyes, not quite sure what to say. 
“Have you been to the island yet?” Trixie found herself asking him, to break the awkward silence. He looked at her first with a puzzled expression, then his eyes lit up.
“Oh! No, I haven’t. But I’ve seen it across the ice, though.” 
“Yeah, you can safely walk to it this time of year. I’d be out there everyday if I could!”
“What’s out there?” 
“Oh just more trees Jared, you’re not missing anything,” Elisabeth cut in, trying to hurry things along so she could get back to her room.
“Yes, there’s trees, and wildlife. But also old castle ruins, and there’s a lighthouse on the other side. Lots to explore!” Trixie answered cheerfully, remembering her favourite place.
“That sounds good. Maybe you’ll show me sometime?” Jared suggested.
“Sure, once I’m out of this…” 
“Yeah, some time soon I hope. Well, I’d better go after Jason before he gets himself into trouble again. I’ll see you later Bellatrix,” he said and walked out after Elisabeth. 
“Thanks Jared, hope to see you soon,” Bellatrix said and realised she really meant it.

The following weeks of Trixie’s opted imprisonment passed in the same tedious way, while Christmas spread its sprinkles to all the senses. It could be seen, heard, tasted and smelled all around the house. Mother put all of Trixie’s snowflakes on the library windows, much inspired and amused by Jasons snowballs hitting them. She also put all of her husband’s Nutcracker decorations outside on the driveway, the way he would have done. Her trays of hot chocolate and tea for Trixie also contained minced pies, gingerbread biscuits and chestnut pasties. Trixie still avoided warm meals, but she didn’t mind the warm, freshly baked sweets her Mother and Sister kept bringing her. She also took a habit of looking out of the window instead of watching a film in the afternoons. She enjoyed seeing Jared walking through the snow drifts and under the snow covered trees, and disappear into the green and white canvas in his red and black coat. Sometimes she thought she could see him glance at the window she was sitting by, and wondered if he could see her, or perhaps hear Michael Bublé or Bing Crosby blasting from her Mother’s room. Her leg started to feel noticeably better and on Christmas eve, Mother drove her to the hospital for more x-rays, and to have the full plaster cast removed. Getting in the brand new car made her shiver, and she swore she would avoid trips in cars as much as she could. The day felt significant, but she wasn’t looking forward to having to face leaving the house, or the beginning of the end of her punishment. A beginning of normal life without Father. It sounded unfeasible, hollow, foreign. It would be a guilty life, though she was proven innocent.

For Christmas, in addition to a Sarmiento cast and crutches, Bellatrix got a pair of snowshoes and a thermos flask for her upcoming treks in the woods. She also got some new books and a big fuzzy blanket of sage green. She didn’t give out any presents herself, as she hadn’t been able to go to any shops. Bellatrix refused to shop online, and preferred to spend her allowance in the cute local shops. Christmas Day was much to her liking: a quiet, slow day with soft music and a delicious warm dinner, which she ate, and found quite remedial. She even braved a little walk down the driveway on her crutches once it got dark, to see the huge Nutcracker ornaments lit up under the maple trees that skirted the driveway. 
“You on the run already?” She heard someone shout behind the snow covered hedge by the house.
She turned to look but couldn’t see anyone in the darkness. Then, as if to fix Trixie’s problem, a string of lights was lit up on top of the hedge, and she could make out the red and black lumberjack coat and, this time, a green beanie hat with brown antlers on it.
“Perhaps you could give me a sleigh ride to speed me up?”
“Ah, become an accomplice? They might say I’ve kidnapped you!”
“But it’s common knowledge reindeer don’t kidnap people, they just give merry rides, don’t they? I reckon you’d be safe!” 
Jared came through the maple trees onto the drive way, and smiled as his face appeared in the warm glow of the Nutcracker lights. He held on to the antlers and wiggled them back and forth.
“Hi there,” he said. Trixie chuckled and felt a warm flutter in her chest.
“Hi.” 
“Glad to see you’re on your feet. You are a bit shorter than I thought!” Jared remarked as he stood in front of her at least one head taller.
“Small but feisty, that’s me! It’s nice to be out of prison, anyway,” she said and glanced at the library window. 
“And you’ve got company out here,” Jared grinned and followed the Nutcracker ornaments with his eyes all the way to the end of the driveway.
“Yeah, my Dad’s favourites,” Trixie said, instantly regretting having brought him up.
“Your Dad… I haven’t seen him around…”
“He died when this happened,” Trixie pointed at her leg with a crutch.
“Oh. I’m so sorry Bellatrix…” Jared said, looking uneasy.
“It’s ok.” Bellatrix gave the wonted answer, and quickly changed the subject to save the mood:
“So have you ventured across to the island yet? I’ve seen you go out that way everyday since we met…” 
“No. Of course not. I’ve been waiting for you to show me,” he smiled. 
“Oh that’s sweet of you. We’ll go after New Year’s?”
“Sure, if you’re able to… Well, until then, Happy Christmas Bellatrix,” Jared said and placed a friendly kiss on her cheek. It was nothing more than a quick, warm brush on her cold skin, but it left her speechless, as he carried on his way down to the woods. 

On Boxing Day Bellatrix woke to sunshine through the gap in her maroon curtains. She grabbed her morning gown and crutches, and hobbled to the window. She drew the curtains back, letting her fingers linger on the soft velvet, and her eyes on the low glow from the sun. It was a golden winter’s morning and Trixie’s heart ached to be out amongst the trees. “Today, I must see where these stupid sticks can take me,” she decided. So, after breakfast, Mother helped her pull on her burgundy puffer jacket with a pattern of freshly-picked flowers on it, her teal winter beret and her warmest boot on the right foot. The left one was kept warm by the Sarmiento cast, along with two layers of grey woolly socks. The path through the woods had been kept clear and patted down by Jared’s daily walks, and she managed to get as far as the old Game Keeper’s cabin. She tried the door to see if it opened as usual, and stepped into the familiar space within the old bricks and timber. She sat down to rest in one of the worn arm chairs by the abandoned fireplace, and looked around. It was the same as ever, with the forsaken gardening tools in one corner, and the covered up tables and chairs in another. Or was it? She wondered as she sat there, looking more closely. The shape under the sheet might not be a table and chairs after all, she thought, but perhaps resembled more a sofa, or a bed of some sort. She thought about removing the sheet to reveal what was hidden under it, when she heard the crunchy sound of footsteps on snow outside. She went to the window and looked to see Jared on the footpath passing the cabin. He stopped to look at Trixie’s peculiar foot prints in the snow, and followed them with his eyes to the cabin door. Then he moved his gaze to the window. She smiled and waved at him, wondering if he could see her through the stained class. His face brightened up and he stepped forward to follow her to the cabin. 
“You’ve got quite far from the house this morning!” He exclaimed as he poked his head through the door in wonder, “and here’s another place you’ve dared to explore on your own and I haven’t.“
“Welcome to the old Game Keeper’s lodge,” she said and spread a crutch to the side as a welcoming gesture. 
“Thank you. This is cosy… well, might have been cosy at a time,” he said looking around. “What’s all this stuff?”
“Old gardening tools and things. And over there, under that sheet… well, I’m not so sure anymore. I always thought it was a table and chairs but it looks like a bed or something, now that I’m looking at it. What do you think?”
“Let’s take a look.” 
Jared walked over to the large white sheet that must’ve lain over the hidden artefact for decades. He yanked it down and lifted up a thick cloud of dust that spread allover the room. They closed their eyes and coughed as it landed on them. Little by little, as they opened their eyes and the dust slowly settled, they started to make out a curvy shape of a wooden frame painted in red. 
“Is it a daybed?” She wondered.
“A bed doesn’t have legs like that, does it?” he replied and pointed to the black, ornamental legs protruding from the front of the object. 
“Oooh, it’s a sleigh Jared!” Bellatrix exclaimed and tried to run to it, slipping on her clumsy Sarmiento cast. Jared caught her by the waist just before she fell down. 
“Whoops,” he said and pulled her up to him. “Take care now,” he said looking at her directly in the eyes. Trixie felt dumbstruck under his deep blue gaze, and searched for a response. 
“Should we take a closer look?” Jared asked after a moment, as she remained uncharacteristically silent. 
“Yes,” Trixie managed a smile. 
The sleigh was beautifully, and carefully crafted out of quality wood and cast iron. All in all, it was in good condition, but also showed signs of ageing and good use in the past. 
“Hey I think I could fix this up a bit. I’ve been needing a project since we moved and don’t have a workshop anymore,” Jared said excitedly. “Do you think I’d be allowed?” 
“Oh yeah, of course. This lodge is on our land, so in effect, it belongs to me.”
“Jeez, that’s great. Can I start today?” He asked rubbing his hands together.
Bellatrix chuckled at Jared’s childlike enthusiasm. 
“Of course you can! That’s a wonderful idea Jared,” she said. “But could you help me back to the house first?”
“Oh yeah, absolutely. I’ll need to go back to get some tools and things anyway…”
He put his arm around her back and held her close to his side, as she slowly hobbled onwards, leaning on him and the crutches. Bellatrix felt her forehead relax and her breathing soften in response to the strong, steady arm holding on to her. 

“Back to the prison then,” she said as they got closer to the house. “I think I need to give it a bit more time, before I venture out any further than the driveway again,” she grinned.
“That sounds wise. Hey, you keep calling the house a prison though. Why?” 
“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s kind of a joke. Or, not a joke, as such. I am serious about it. But, no-one else thinks I deserve it, so I had to make up my own punishment…. You see, I was the one driving and killed my… he told me to look out, and the lorry driver was beeping the horn like mad and I still got in the way and…” suddenly Bellatrix realised she was heaving with sobs and her eyes were streaming with salty tears and she felt as though a giant, never-ending wave of bane was gushing out through her throat. She gasped for air and leaned against the wall to gather herself. 
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think I had any tears left in me…” she leaned back, looking up at the blue sky. 
“Don’t say sorry Bellatrix. And please do not be embarrassed. You’ve been through an awful experience. I’d be more surprised if you didn’t cry…” Jared said and reached out to hug her. “Let me help you back inside,” he said softly and went to open the front door for her.
“Thank you so much Jared,” Bellatrix said and leaned into him for another hug as she stood at the threshold. 
“My pleasure. Hey are you sure you don’t need anything else? I can help you upstairs if you want?”
“No it’s ok. I can ask Liz if… I’ll be ok. I like being able to move around on my own now,” she said and managed a genuine smile. 
“Ok, Bellatrix. Or can I call you Trixie?”
“Of course, all my friends do.”
“I’ll see you soon then,” he said and reached towards her for another quick peck on her cheek, although this time, Trixie felt, it was done with a little more warmth and lingering.

During the following days Bellatrix saw to the full restoration of her punishment. She didn’t even think about going outside. And other than tottering downstairs for her meals and snacks, she stayed in her room, oblivious to the comings and goings downstairs. In the afternoons however, she went in the library, but was disappointed not to see Jared on his usual walks. She kept an eye on the house next door from her room, and was sure that they were all home. She wondered if Jared had grown tired of the woods, and given up on his idea of mending the sleigh after all. She found her thoughts meandering back to him often; reliving their Boxing Day encounter many times, remembering his deep blue eyes and the gentle brush of his lips against her cheek. She also went through their conversation by the door over, and over again. She sat on the bay window and repeated Jared’s words aloud. Soon, it became a mantra she kept repeating to herself in her mind. Do not be embarrassed. You’ve been through an awful experience. Eventually, no matter how much she tried to torment herself with guilt, she couldn’t find her way back to the spiralling darkness. Instead, her new mantra seeped to the front of her mind. 

On New Year’s Eve, Mother was fussing around the house from early morning. She had called in all kinds of staff to cook and decorate the house for a party she had been planning since the summer. She loved to throw a big New Year’s party, and felt it even more keenly now, as a distraction and tonic for her loss. Trixie wasn’t looking forward to a house full of people, and was planning on disappearing to the library, and to her films, as early as possible. The afternoon light had started its gradual drift towards darkness when the doorbell rang. Bellatrix thought it might be some of the guests arriving early, but was surprised to hear Elizabeth bellow from the foyer:
“Trix, come to the door!” Bellatrix took her time, slowly hopping on one leg to the bannister above the foyer to see who it was. 
“Oh, hi!” She said brightly as she saw the caller in his reindeer beanie.
“Hey there… I kinda came to… can you come down?” Jared asked and turned to point at something outside. 
“Sure! Just let me grab my crutches”, she said and turned to hop back to her room.
“Hey make sure you’re wearing your warm layers!” He added as she disappeared form view. 

Jared was waiting outside when Bellatrix got to the door in her warmest knitted jumper and a scarf around her neck. 
“Hey Jared, what was it…” Bellatrix stopped mid-question. She couldn’t believe what she saw. The old game keeper’s sleigh was standing in the courtyard all shiny red, with a new coat of paint and cleaned up legs and handles. 
“You fixed it!” She exclaimed. Jared beamed at Bellatrix as he walked her arm in arm to the sleigh. “May I?” He said as he helped her climb in it.
“I assume you’re going to be pulling this along then, what with the antlers and all?” Trixie inquired, half seriously. 
“Ha! Not quite what I had in mind! Wait here…” he said and disappeared to his side of the hedge. Bellatrix heard some unusual sounds coming from his courtyard, and couldn’t quite work out what it was. As the sharp, hollow, clonking sound got closer, Trixie’s senses woke to realise it was hooves. She wondered if Jared had an actual reindeer living on his drive way, but as she turned to look, she saw a horse clopping over behind him. 
“No way, Jared! What is this?” She gasped. 
“Say hello to Millie! My old friend from where we used to live! Here, give her these,” he said and put a handful of dried banana chips on Bellatrix’s hand. She looked at Millie’s dark brown eyes and mustard coloured muzzle. She had never been this close to a horse, although she had always been fascinated by them. Millie had a proud look in her eyes, but there was also a kind, smiley feel to her gaze. Bellatrix raised the palm of her hand to Millies velvety mouth, and enjoyed the sensation of the mare’s lips gently grabbing the sweets from her hand. Jared led Millie in front of the sleigh and harnessed her up. 

“You’re full of surprises, Jared! You had horses where you used to live?”
“No not us, but the neighbours had. I was always there though, hanging out with this gal,” he stroked Millie’s cheek and she responded with a soft nicker. 
“And you went over to borrow her for today?”
“Yeah, I did.” He laughed and looked at Trixie. 
“Wow. Thanks Jared,” Bellatrix said in awe, answering his gaze. 
“Oh, and this isn’t everything yet… one more sec…” he disappeared behind the sleigh to fiddle with something. The sun seemed to have dashed behind the horizon, and Bellatrix looked at the house glowing with warm light through the windows. Unforgettable…. She heard Nat King Cole playing in the drawing room, and saw people in black and white outfits walking around with trays in their hands. 
“It’s almost time for the party to start,” she remarked apprehensively. 
“I know. Your mum and I thought you might want to be out when it starts… here, let’s see if it works now,” Jared said, as a string of heart-shaped fairy lights lit up all around the sides of the sleigh. Bellatrix gasped, once again, and found herself speechless. She felt her eyes welling up and her nostrils and cheeks throbbed hotly in response to Jared’s beautiful gesture. 
“You two seem to be almost ready to go,” Bellatrix heard her Mother at the door. Elisabeth walked out with Trixie’s new fluffy blanket and wrapped it around her legs. She also brought her thermos with hot tea in it, and her mittens, beret, and puffer jacket, to make sure she’d keep warm on the ride. Jared walked to the door and took a basket from mother. Then he climbed onto the sleigh and placed it on the seat behind them. 
“Have a lovely time you two! And don’t forget, you can nip in through the back door in case you need to come in early,” Mother said and waved as she disappeared back inside, singing a long to her music. 
“Enjoy yourselves, and send me pics please,” Liz said and winked. 
Bellatrix was flabbergasted. All she could do was sit back and watch, as the others fussed around her with final touches to a plan they seemed to have been brewing for days.
“Will do,” Jared said as he grabbed the reins and gave Millie the signal to walk ahead. The sleigh followed smoothly behind the horse’s steady gait. It was easy going along the driveway, and as they turned to the path in the woods, Bellatrix felt like she was in a dream; A sleigh ride in the snowy woods, with the moonlight as a giant lantern showing the way.
“Jared… this is amazing! I don’t know what to say. This is unlike anything I’ve ever dreamed of. Yet, it’s somehow, all I’ve ever dreamed of… how did you..?”
“I’ve been working on this sleigh all day everyday at the lodge since Boxing Day. And then I asked your Mom if it would be okay to take you out sometime after New Year’s. But she and Liz suggested I take you on New Year’s Eve. It seemed like a great way to spend the night, so I said yes. It was actually surprisingly easy to organise, what with you staying up in your room all the time… in prison?”
“I had no idea… as I have been in prison, yes.”
“I really don’t think you should be feeling remorseful about the accident, Trix. I’ve been thinking about what you said. About the lorry guy sounding the horn at you before you crashed. You do know that’s exactly why you are innocent? You did not cause that accident swe… Trixie! The law says, if you have time to honk the horn, you have time to avoid the accident, and even if you have the right of way, you are liable to avoid collision at all costs!”
“I know. They told me that. But I still could’ve done things differently. I could’ve listened to Dad and slowed down, for example! It is mostly my fault, there’s no denying it Jared.”
“You could’ve done things differently, yes. I bet you feel guilty for not listening to your Dad. But I also think a lot of things could have happened differently. I mean, there’s always stuff happening around us, outside of our control. Even if you had looked and stopped, the lorry driver might have got there a few seconds earlier and still hit you, without you ever seeing them coming. Or another car in another crossroads might have done the same. Who knows! Every moment is just the sum of random events, and we can never guess the outcome. So, unless you deliberately plan to hurt someone, you cannot be guilty for something that randomly happens, especially as the law is on you side Trixie. Do you see what I mean?”
Trixie thought about Jared’s words. Perhaps he was right that she was mostly punishing herself for not listening to her Father. Not for killing him. She felt annoyed, but deep down she knew the irritation came from him being right. Him dismissing her self-punishment. He didn’t accept her sulking, self-blaming way of dealing with her Father’s death. But there, somewhere amongst the vexation, was also relief. And hope. And a warm softness that wanted to wrap itself around Trixie’s heart. Perhaps it was Father’s warm arms telling her to trust this feeling, and to trust this young man’s wisdom. 
“Guilty for not listening. For not doing as I was told. Not for killing.” She said, and stared at the fairy lights flickering in the movement of the sleigh. "I think you’re right, Jared. I think I needed my father to punish me for not acting on his advice… so I grounded myself?” she converged, with tears of relief in her eyes. 
“Yeah, sounds valid.” 
Jared twitched the reins and Millie galloped happily down to the ice covered sea. 
“Are we going all the way to the island?”
“No, we’ll turn back soon. I have another surprise. One Liz helped me with, actually.”  
“No way!”
“Wait and see…”
They rode in silence, enjoying the blueish scenery of the silently sleeping sea. The serenity of the snowy landscape was healing. Bellatrix felt such gratefulness and joy for the moment that she couldn’t help but put her arms around Jared and squeeze him hard, as he leaned his head on Trixie’s.
“Why doesn’t this feel weird?” She asked.
“Why should it?” He asked.
“Because we’ve only just met.”
“Why should that make it wrong?”
She gave the words the space they needed to fully unfurl their wisdom.
“Why are you always right?”
“I was born like that.” He grinned.
Soon they were back in the woods, and Trixie realised they were heading towards the Game Keeper’s lodge. The snow-covered branches hung heavy and low in the middle of the forest, and the sleigh slid onwards more smoothly now, through the soft drifts of snow. Trixie looked at the sculpted white mounds and then up in the clear, starry sky above the treetops. She sent a silent apology to her Father, wondering if he could somehow, somewhere, feel it. 

Outside the Game Keeper's lodge, Jared gave Millie a large bale of hay, and wrapped her in a warm blanket. Inside the lodge, the fireplace had a small fire going. Jared added more logs to it, and helped Trixie to the armchair next to it. The room was warm, and looked clean and cosy after Elizabeth had helped tidy it up. The gardening tools had disappeared, and she’d brought blankets, cushions, and a rug to make it more homely. Jared placed the food Mother had packed for them on the table between the two armchairs. There was a warm edamame salad, a green olive focaccia, some crackers and cheeses, and some sweet pies. He also found a bottle of sparkling elderflower wine, and two glasses. Then he lit up candles on the windowsills and the table. Trixie sat by the fire, appreciating the care she was receiving from him, and her family.
“Hey Trixie, I don’t want to keep talking about this all night, but I wondered if they convicted the lorry driver in the end?”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t a prison sentence either. It was compensation for loss and damage, in dollars. Plenty of them, mind you. I mean, we had the house and everything anyway, but now my Mum doesn’t need to work anymore, and both Liz and I have our University fees taken care of…”
“Which University?”
“Emily Carr. I want to study Film and Screen Arts, or Writing.”
“Really? And I can welcome you next year?”
“Welcome me?”
“I go there too. Industrial Design.”
“No way… I guess we’ll be going the same way next year then!” She beamed.
“I guess so…” Jared smiled and nodded slowly. “Hey Trixie, you must know by now that I don’t waffle around. And neither do you. That’s why I really like you, and... I would like to spend a lot more time with you. I hate dating, and I don’t want a new friend to hang around with. I don’t know if you’re at all ready for this, and I understand if you’re not… but would you consider being a girlfriend?”
“Being a girlfriend?”
“Yeah. Mine, that is.” 
“And what would that entail?”
“This,” he said and spread his hands as if to present the room they were in.
“My Game Keeper’s Lodge?”
Jared laughed.
“No, I mean, us. Like this. Spending time, quietly enjoying ourselves together. And… this?” He said as he leaned in to kiss her. She wasn’t stunned by it, nor did she think their first kiss felt awkward or dreary. It was the opposite; the most natural and pleasant feeling she’d had in a long time. She leaned into it, fully surrendering to the moment.
“Yeah, I could give that a go. On all accounts,” she said, smiling.
"You know, I also can't get your amazing green eyes and red hair out of my mind Bellatrix..." he said before leaning in for another kiss.

The year ticked to its final second as they sat eating and talking the hours away in the warm glow of the fireplace. They heard fireworks outside, and saw flashes of green and red and gold through the window. 
“Must be midnight already,” he said. 
“Happy New Year Jared,” she said.
“Happy New Year Trix. I feel like I already know everything I need to know about you, but here’s to finding out about all the unimportant things, too, in the New Year,” he said, and raised a glass to her. 
“I’ll drink to that. And thank you Jared, for everything you’ve done. Not just these surprises, but most of all, thank you for the words. The support. You’ve really helped me clear my thoughts and handle my grief… and I'm so grateful for those snowballs," she chuckled, and continued: "I should thank Jason for blasting the window with them. Otherwise I'd still be locking myself up in that room..."
"Ha! So there can be a bright side to his impudent ways. I'll be sure to point this out to my Mom. She'll be glad," Jared grinned.
"You know, I really feel like I can put the prison behind me now, and start living again as the New Year begins.” Bellatrix mused.
“Small steps babe. And I’ll be here with you.”
“I know,” she said, and she really meant it. For in the end, what else could she do, but let the go of the lonely darkness that pushed her down, and start trusting the warm smile that was slowly growing in her heart. She leaned back, and watched as the first snowflakes of the year were slowly falling down outside the window.