The Friendship Experiment

I can hear the joyful shouts of children racing from house to house playing boisterous games of tag, hopscotch, and jump rope. One of those voices is mine.

The anxious anticipation as the moving van unloads its contents; waiting for a sign, any sign, that the new neighbor may be a little girl. A new instant friend to join our girl group. It was an ever growing circle of friends.

------

Thinking back on those days, we quickly grew up leaving our childhood behind as well as our friends.

Did we lose our ability to make friends as we emerged as adults? Certainly our need for friendship grew stronger but yet out ability to sustain these friendships weakened.

Looking back on all the friends I had over the years makes me wonder where it all went wrong. When did I devolve into a creature who desperately wants more friendships but lacks the ability to create and sustain new ones?

Is it sill possible to walk up to the new kid on the block and say "Let's be friends." Could it be as simple as that? Have we as adults made it so complicated when in reality it is so simple? Are we so afraid of rejection we won't even try?

As a child, I watched countless adults forming new friendships in my neighborhood. They seemed to bond over the simplest things: having children the same age, shared fitness goals or simply the fact they lived in the same neighborhood.

What would happen if I reached out to my neighbors? Would my offer of friendship be accepted or rejected?

Employing the same childhood techniques of openness, friendliness, and kindness, I dared to prove that it is possible to gain new friendships.

Attempt number one was my neighbor across the street.

I was strolling through my neighborhood with my dog Peaches on a dreary winter's day when Betty swung her door open not suspecting that my friendship experiment was in progress, nor was I suspecting what was to come next.

In my cheeriest voice I said "Good morning. The weather looks promising today." Weather was a safe subject for adults, like toys for children. I knew the statement about the weather wasn't one-hundred percent true but if I wanted a positive result I would aim for the positive.

"Get off my lawn!" She spat her vileness at me. I stood there shaking not knowing what to do as she slammed her house door shut in my face.

I turned and went home feeling defeated. Well, clearly she doesn't want to be my friend.

Maybe it isn't so easy to make friends?

I figure I'd give it another go a few days later. Maybe my plan was not well thought out with Mrs.Grumpy-pants. I should target someone whom I have something in common with. I'll try Franca, my east neighbor. She has a dog, so do I. We'll totally hit it off.

Bluebell, Franca's dog, was barking excitedly in the backyard. Perfect timing to let Peaches out. Peaches immediately went to the fence to greet Bluebell. Bow-WOW-WOW. They chat together.

"Good morning Franca. Isn't it a beautiful day. " my approach is the same as last time.

"Good morning. I didn't hear you out there." she said. This interaction is going far better than my first attempt.

"I see Bluebell is full of energy today. Is it time for his walk?" I ask a leading question waiting for the right opportunity to seize the moment.

"He's always full of energy." She confirms.

I sense my opening and go for it. "I'm about to take Peaches out for her morning walk would you and Bluebell like to join us?" I ask hopeful.

"Oh no. Bluebell doesn't enjoy walks. He loves it when I toss the ball to him instead." The energetic German Sheppard looked at me with longing eyes.

Hmm. Funny how people project their ideas on their pets.

"Ok. Figured I'd ask." I give a wave and head out for my walk with Peaches.

Strike out two in my neighborhood. Maybe I need to look at a different friendship feeder pool. I am not a child anymore, relegated to the two wheels of my bicycle. I have the four wheel of my car. I will expand the area of my search.

Sunday morning rolls around and I am still not sure about my "make friends" project. I sit in the church pew quietly praying. "Show me how to make friends."

Today, is the last day of the town Winter Carvnival. A plethora of activities to keep everyone busy in this small sleepy town. It was the regular time in the church service to greet one another. I dutifully participate half heartily.

Kate is the last person I speak with before being seated. Kate mentions she is heading to the fireworks display this evening. A light bulb goes off in my mind, "I'm going too!" I lie in the middle of church. " We can meet up if you'd like."I invite her.

"Sure. I'll text you." She says. And I hope it isn't a lie.

I was elated all afternoon knowing I made a potential new friend.

Seven o'clock rolls around and my phone pings with a text from Kate. "I'll meet you at the crest of the hill to watch the fireworks." the message says.

I am bouncing off the walls with excitement just like a child. "Sounds good." I text back, not wanting to give away the joy emanating from my soul.

Could it have happened? Could I have made a new friend with a bit of effort and awareness? I am cautiously optimistic.

I arrive at the crest of the hill early. The nervous anticipation makes it too difficult to sit at home. My imagination plays out all sorts of scenarios where Kate would cancel or somehow reject my offer of friendship. I had to get out of my house and out of my head.

Glancing up, I can see Kate approaching. She smiles as she nears me instantly relieving my nervous energy. "I brought some treats." She shows me the snacks she is carrying.

"That is so thoughtful." And I genuinely mean it.

It has been five years since I made that fateful decision to better my life with the richness of the friendship experiment. Not everyone will be receptive to the simple offer of friendship, but when you find someone that is, it truly enriches your life.