The Season Is Upon Us

There’s plenty of time. I think to myself as I scroll the new selection of flash entertainment provided by my phone. It’s amazing how long it takes to watch “just one more short video”. 

The luxury of winter has come to end as the soil ground outside begins to warm. The garden is a crucial part of my healing routine, not just for the wonderful benefits of gentle exercise, or the soothing connection with nature it offers my spirit, but the seemingly endless supply of clean food. 

Last year, I was blessed with enough energy and motivation necessary to maintain the garden. I wasn’t great at it, but I did it well enough to provide us with nearly a year’s worth of organic food. This was the year that many of my fibromyalgia symptoms disappeared. As the supply of homegrown food dwindled and I started making more convenience based food choices and found myself revisiting the various realms of fibromyalgia hell. A hell I naively thought I had escaped forever. 

Fatigue, the first realm of fibromyalgia hell, snuck up on me, draining the desires that had one fueled every bit of my existence. I slept. It was never enough. The physically demanding activities of every day seeped into my muscles and lingered without relief. Every day a new layer of tired piling on top of the old until one day I found myself right back at the beginning of my journey, unable to lift the horses’ mash buckets. 

The pain quickly followed, the second realm of this special hell, formed by layers of fatigue that even endless sleep and rest could not heal. Depression and brain fog clouded my mind as it sunk me into the final, and darkest realm of this hell. 
Momentarily lost in a maelstrom of confusion and emotion, my false beliefs became consumed by reality. I can not eat what I want to eat, or when I want to eat it. What I eat matters to my health in ways many people will never understand. 

The reality of this struck me hard. Quality gluten-free food is hard enough to come by on the remote islands Haida Gwaii. My body’s need to minimize its exposure to chemicals by eating organic foods makes eating here not only challenging but expensive. 

The temptation at the tips of my fingers beckons me to keep watching. The videos are short. It won’t take long to check the stats on my latest project or read one more of a friend’s update. There might be another funny meme if I just scroll a little further. 
The days slip aways in an unsatisfied blur. At least when I spend too much time reading, I have the satisfaction of having read a story. 
The grass has started its spring bolt. The greens that will be canned, frozen, dried and powered must go now. We only get one shot at this every year. It’s the last week of February and it feels like there is all the time in the world. I know this is a lie, I tell myself. One more misconception that opens the door back to the pits of that hell. You do not have all the time in the world. 

I look at my savings account. I’m on track to retire early, just barely. The balance is difficult. Sustaining it for the next 10 years will prove to be even more difficult yet. I can do it. All I have to do is put the phone down and go outside. It shouldn’t be this hard to stop staring at that little screen. But it is. 

Magic tricks for cats! The first few seconds flash on my feed. Oh my goodness, are all cats this fascinated by sleight of hand? Instant gratification proves itself to be stronger than the desire to enjoy an extra 10 years of finical liberty in my golden years. There’s still time. I’ll still make it out. As long as they get planted this week, we’ll have plenty of greens to last the year.

“It’s supposed to rain all week.” My husband informs me as if he could feel the fight within me from across the room. 

“Oh yeah. That sucks” Trying to hide my procrastination from myself. He has no idea what I planned for the day.

Sunlight trickles through windows, last call to get the first bed of greens in on time. The season is upon us. 

Magic for cats. I commit it to memory. The internet isn’t going anywhere and if it does, the world has bigger problems than wondering if all cats react to magic the same way. 

I put down my phone and put on my boots to greet the late morning sunshine as I plant my way to a healthier future.