The Worst jobs in the Galaxy - Terraformer

A few decades ago some aliens had been very condescending in congratulating what they thought was Humanity's meagre terraforming efforts on Mars. The Humans present had admitted that the entire process had taken a long time and suffered another round of being little more than big and dumb. That is until one of the aliens translated how long three hundred years was. They were not so condescending after that. A world like Mars should take a couple of millennia to ask your average Galactic.

Suddenly, Humans were actually good at something. Earth-based, Human led terraforming companies exploded onto the Galaxy. Competition for recruitment quickly became intense. Advertisements for terraforming showed happy, energetic, sexy people digging, planting, operating heavy machinery and then partying the night away. 

Sitting at a duty station in an orbital about 35,000 km above the planet, David sighed and checked the information on the screen. Against all expectations, the numbers remained the same as they had since the beginning of his shift. Power generation, constant. Power consumption, stable. Waste heat, steady. The temperature was still a balmy two hundred Kelvin. He pulled out his pad to check the news. 

"What do you think you are doing?" came the voice of Mark, his supervisor. "You need to keep your eyes on the job."

David sighed, put his pad away, and went back to staring at the screen detailing the ongoing glacially slow process that was terraforming.

"Good, don't make me have this conversation again," said Mark before walking away.

"How can you not stay focused. This is so exciting," said Will on Regolith Corrosion without a trace of mockery.

"It is? Really?" said David. 

"Why yes! This week I am trialling the new lichens. A piece of good old fashion Earth gene sequences and we should be seeing a whole two per cent increase in substrate degradation." said Will beaming. 

"Wow, a whole two per cent?"

"Incredible isn't it. It's a massive leap. Not to mention getting published, the patents and becoming yet another Human Terraforming success story." said Will.

"Woohoo, let's hear it for Humanity, can I get an F yeah?" said David.

Will looked at him, "Somehow, I think you just don't have a passion for terraforming." he said.

David checked the numbers on the screen. They remained exactly the same.

"I just joined for the exciting party lifestyle," said David.

"Oh yeah, but who has time for that when there's all this exciting work to be done?" said Will.

David gave up and returned to watching the never-changing screen.

The orbital was Human scaled, spacious and boasted a full range of amenities. It had swimming pools, bars, holosuites and other ways to have a good time. They were automated, modern and designed to keep the two thousand Humans within happy, relaxed and entertained. They were also deserted, all but ignored by ninety per cent of them.  

David sat alone in one of the orbital's bars. Another day staring at the same screen with no change, followed by another night either in his module or alone out here. He looked at his drink. It was blue and had a little umbrella in it. He then checked his chrono and discovered he had another five months of this. Five months of the most excruciating, mind-numbing tedium ever.


The next day of course saw him back at his station. While David wondered if he could just paint the current readings permanently onto the screen and how long it would take anyone to actually notice he became aware that someone was standing behind him.
"I have got my eye on you?" said Mark, the supervisor.

David turned his head so he could look at him, "You do?"

"Yes, I can see that you're not fully committed to this project. We need total commitment here at Terrastorm. No room for slackers." said Mark.
"Right, gotcha. No room for slackers" repeated David.

David watched as Mark's eye twitched and his complexion darkened. He leaned in and was about to say something when the intercom blared,

"Attention all terraformers. Attention all terraformers. I have exciting news. We are about to introduce our first plants to the planet's surface." said the announcement.

Everyone in the room cheered.

"Everyone wishing to watch this historic moment should convene in Observation Bay Four. Repeat, to watch this you should all get to Observation Bay Four." continued the speaker.

There was a sound of movement as people scrambled for the exit.

"Well, aren't you excited?" said Mark to David who had not yet moved. 

"Yeah, sure," said David.

"Well, get moving then. And remember, I've got my eye on you,"

Both men moved for the exit as well.


Inside Observation Bay Four was the Orbital's entire Human complement. Almost four thousand eyes were riveted on a projection displaying what, to David's eyes was a large grey box with wheels moving slowly over the grey planet's surface. Grey ground, grey stones, grey sky and grey farming robot. The only bit of colour was the name Ernest on the side of the robot which looked hand-painted. They had been assured that the robot was drilling holes and then placing seeds within before filling in the holes.

"What I think you will all find interesting is the nature of the seeds themselves. They are specially adapted..." David tuned the rest out as the announcer droned on.

"Exciting, isn't it? You know, I helped design the soil." said a woman to David, "It's simply packed with nutrients and all the things those seeds will need to grow. I'm Tali, by the way. You are?"

"David. I'm in Waste Heat Management," said David.

"Waste Heat? That's so exciting. Not too little, not too much but just right. Am I right?"  

"Yeah, that's me."

"Sometimes I get thinking, you know. I start thinking that soil engineering is a bit, you know dull. Bet you never think that in your job." said Tali.
David paused in shock. Everyone around me is completely mad. Absolutely barking.

"But of course not," continued Tali, pausing to cheer with everyone else as the announcer mentioned the seeding mission had finished successfully, "How could Waste Heat be boring?"

David affected a grin, "Perish the thought," he said while wondering again how he would survive with his sanity intact.