The Worst Jobs in the Galaxy - Test Subject

David stared across at Amy after she had walked into the room and stopped as she recognised him. The original smile changed and rapidly became a frown. Absolutely perfect.

"What are you doing here?" he said.

"What are you doing here?" replied Amy. 

"I asked first," said David. 

Amy crossed her arms, "And that somehow gives you the right to interrogate me? You haven't changed one bit."

David briefly considered arguing the point, then dismissed it. Amy was obstinate, pig-headed and argumentative. What had he seen in her?

"Very well. I am here because giving the Giluph rides all day, every day was getting boring. I asked them if there was anything else I could do and they suggested being a test subject at this, um, University?" 

"Rides?" 

"Yeah, rides. The Giluph get a kick out of being lifted about two metres in the air seemingly at the mercy of a savage barbaric alien," he explained.

"Nonsense. Giluph are one of the oldest, wisest, most enlightened and civilised cultures in the Galaxy," said Amy.

"Are they? To me, they're slug guys about the size of a cat who find being lifted in the air a total thrill. Anyways that's me. Why are you here?" said David. 

Amy lifted her, in David's opinion quite exquisite chin up, "I am here to help at the Omnipaedia Institute. To advance the sum total of knowledge in the Galaxy, the first Human to ever do so." she said primly. 

David smirked, "You mean second," he said. 

"What?"

"I've been here for a week now. Ticked the boxes, signed the forms and everything. Been watching me eat, sleep, go to the toilet, play games and now..." David said trailing off and glancing at the main item of furniture in the room. 

It was a bed. 

Amy frowned again," And I bet you were just looking forward to this weren't you?"

"Look, a week ago as far as I knew there wasn't a woman within a thousand lights. I signed because if anyone did turn up they would have to of signed the same forms. Which you, I might point out, obviously did, else you wouldn't be in here." said David. 

"Well, I have changed my mind!" said Amy. 

"As have I!" replied David. 


A few minutes later Fifth Seeker floated before the two Humans in its grave harness. They were seated in the Space of Life, one of the rooms assigned to the Human named David. It wondered why both Humans had insisted to speak here and not in the Space of the Bed where they had been previously. It was another thing to study. 

 'I do not understand. You no longer wish to mate?' it thought at the two aliens. 

Both shook their heads, extended a massive limb easily twice one's full length and pointed a digit at the other Human. 

"Not with them!" both aliens declared simultaneously. 

Fifth Seeker dutifully made some notes. Everything about the Humans was new. Oh, some said that their records contained sufficient data on the young species' behaviour, but there was nothing like actually experiencing it. 

'May I ask why? I am not sure I understand. You are both attracted to one another. I can hear your minds calling out to one another.' it thought, adding the last to reassure them that it had done nothing so crude as to probe their thoughts.

"I am doing no such thing," said Human Amy. 

"Yeah, we were, attracted to each other once, but no longer," said Human David. 

'Interesting. Can I ask about how this process occurred?' it thought. 

Fifth Seeker was an experienced xenologist and well accustomed to the myriad species of the Galaxy. It knew that homeotherms were commonly demonstrative with their thoughts and emotions. Still, he was totally unprepared for the sheer energy as the two Humans tore into each other. It took a sedative and dutifully made notes. Finally, when the Humans had subsided.

'I, see. Very well. This has been most informative. Will you consent to another session tomorrow? Individually, of course.'

With their assent, Fifth Seeker floated out.

David and Amy looked at one another. 

"I, I may have got carried away there," said Amy quietly.

"Me too. Sorry about calling you a stuck up princess. Among other things. You're not that bad." said David.

"Yes, well, I was just surprised to find you here. Sorry about comparing you to a neopig," said Amy.

"So, what do we do now?" said David.

"I, don't know. Make the best of it, I guess." sighed Amy.

"You do know that there are only two Human houses on the planet. This one and Brad and Garry's place. There, the neopig comparison may be apt." said David.

"That bad?" said Amy with a smile.

"Probably worse," said David nodding.

"So, I have to stay here?" said Amy.

"I, um, may have given the slug guys the wrong impression about couples. Sorry," said David.

"Well, this is awkward."

"Yes."

Both Humans started wondering how long it would take the Giluph to build a new house.