Time will tell

Touched me with your cold skeleton like fingers, brushing aimlessly against my loud mouth with lips of dominance. Carrying me, dubbing my unfinished master was a ruler no more. You granted yourself control. I virtually fell into dream land for the events of the recent past had me crippled with the urge to, yet I couldn’t, sleep. Your bed couldn’t of felt any more or less like, home. The mattress shifted its emotions to link with mine and as I shut my weak eyes, it yelled. “WAKE UP!”
-our first time.

Indulging in the habits of drunks and addicts we washed away all the sins we had stored up and threw the water over one another. Maybe love just wasn’t our destiny. Those devilish brown eyes never did quite scare me in the same way my Fathers did, I guess that’s a fact neither one of us will fully grasp. You and my Father were opposites to the naked eye, my eyes had not worn clothes since your soul exposed mine. In our old place of work we ironically enhanced one another’s performance. I remember once talking with you and saying “you remind me of my father”.
-do not take this as a compliment.

Love, Trust, friendship and attraction collaborated into a space of uneasy peace. Till the lady who you loved more than any other walked in our room and granted us permission to remain in her house, with unspoken words it was said that night I, as a woman could never keep up with the company of a mother. 
-when she arrived. 

Mash potato Brain lead me on a journey to a far away castle. We only had a scarce amount of days before you were banished from the castle. My memory was stolen from the heavy doses of drugs still somehow we managed to “keep in touch” 
A boy kissed me 
He believed my delusional symptoms to be real. I liked being in the company of him. At this time I imagined you to be a monster. He was safe. 
When I broke the ribbon of our relationship you simply stitched the ribbon back together. 
Some people said the boy wasn’t good for me; so he got moved up to the castles second floor. 
-eating dog shit. 

We floated on a river in a rusty old boat. The river gifted us with moments of complete comfortability. In silence, in noise. Once we arrived at land both our noses dove into the dirt childishly. 1 year later we completed the necessary requirements to own each other. For the most part it was just us, on this island. Inseparable on some hours;strangers in others.  I truely had countless reasons to love you; I think you felt the same. 
-2 year anniversary 

Back to basics the drugs and alcohol took control. Work had the upper hand except when I called and lied saying you were sick. 
Every god dam day, you’d drink. That particular day lead to a shallow evening, by 9 pm you had dropped from planet awake and unconsciously filled out the form to be called “passed out”. You started work at 10 pm. 
-the night I guess I saved you. 

Using for me became an escape again, the path was somewhat clear on how you might help me step towards sobriety, instead I was punished and looked down on like a filthy rat. No touching when you’re mad, not even a hug. His skeleton like fingers couldn’t stand to feel my body in moments I craved them most. I used because I was unhappy in the job I was working. a lala by on your guitar followed by the embrace of your arms potentially may of saved us many of battles. Though you’re boundaries made it impossible to let go. So I lied, you found out, I lied again. I guess that’s when you begun to give up. 
-loosing his trust. 

His Drunken decisions circled round and round and round till finally he voiced them sober. 
This is when I knew, 
We were done for. 
The nights anticipating my departure, everything seemed so good. Happy even. 
I figure he was just pretending by that point. so each moment reached for his hand, he gained advantage. I touched the table and got 22. Bust. 
I believed karma would leave our love out of her doings but I was wrong. Karma has no limits. He waited. He realised. Finally the venom spited from his mouth. 
-feelings of regret, shock, disinterest. 

The first 7 days after I drank every night. A month later I’ve not had one section of space unfulfilled. New experiences with others who are like me in more ways than I thought. Living a new life alone but not lonely. Until I look at our pictures. I’ve cried, Despite being with friends. Every soul understands in their own concept that break ups are the universal notion of heart break. So it’s ok. 
He and I  speak so little & have been in the presence of each-others flesh once for 20 minutes since I packed a suit case and moved back in with my birth giver. 
20 minutes out of a whole 4 weeks. I ponder in brief thoughts wondering how he must be doing, I ask shamelessly if he misses me, I message directly, “I miss you” 
-being captured by his love.