An Open Letter to the New Girl

I see you, I see the strong independent woman who loves life and is so happy just to be alive. I also see who you will be in a few short years after he is done with you. I see this because I was you. 

I was the girl who fell in love with him. This an who treated me like I was a princess until he didn't anymore. This man who loved me like no other until he had me right where he wanted me and the true person could come out to play. The demons he will let out and they will destroy you my dear. 

But, first I have to make it known that I am not a bitter ex who wants him back. The last thing in this world I would want would be for him to come back to me. Because he is not good for me. Regardless of emotions, memories of the beginning or what he says. He is not good for anyone. 

He will tell you that he has never been in love before you but please be patient with him while he deals with the damage that he says I caused. He will give you details of the triggers he's left with from dealing with a crazy ex. He will say that he needs to take it slow because he needs this time to heal himself. Because he doesn't want to make the same mistakes with you as he has done in the past. And because he thinks you could actually be the one, the love of his life. Please just be patient, and he will say if it ever doesn't feel right to you than he will understand. All you have to do is let him know and he will let you go.

He is going to be one if the funnest people you have ever met in your life. He will take you on adventures, hold your hand in the beginning. There will be love, so many laughs and so, so much of the good stuff that you will feel like your floating on air. Like you are the luckiest girl in the world.

Chances are, and I have this on good authority, he was still talking to me and giving me hope of fixing things when he started seeing you. Because someone like him will never completely let go unless they have someone else waiting in the wings. This is what all people like him do, they keep one hanging on until they find a new supply.

Once he has you where he wants you , that's when he will let his demons slowly start showing themselves. You will justify it because you choose to see the good in him. You will allow his needs to slowly take over your life until you no longer exist as anything more than an extension of him.

Once this happens he will start with the insults, the so called jokes that poke at you will slowly defeat you until you get to a point where you wonder what the point of life is.

When I left, I was suicidal. And had things not happened the way they did I would have been dead by the time he came home that day. And he had no idea, because he doesn't care. I was determined that I had to get away from him because I could not cope with the pain I was going through.

Over the years he had hurt me so many times that I had become numb. It started when he left me alone to grieve my father's death because he didn't want to miss work and ended with my birthday and him screaming at me that he didn't give a f**k about me or my birthday. The raging that came after awhile was uncontrollable and terrifying, which would be followed by periods of deep loving times. But it was a cycle that I could not get out of.

People told me I needed to leave, asked me why I stayed and all I could say was "Deep down he has a good heart" but that was me saying what he had convinced me of. Now that I am away I see what type of person he is. Even after I left he was still saying it was all my fault. Calling me in drunken rages saying " If you were here I would kick you in the head!" Threatening to fight for rights to my dog. The dog he had gifted me and didn't want anyway. All he ever did was yell and shove the dog away. 

So please, I'm begging you. If you are the new girl, take a long hard look at what you're getting yourself into. He will never change, he's done this before me and will do it again. My guess is that you will be about a year into it before things start to go bad.

Which is when he will start telling you that you're overreacting, too sensitive, too crazy and have way too much time on your hands to make stuff up about him. Trust me he's good at convincing you that he's always right.

For your own sake, do what you can to protect your heart and soul from these types of people. I am so much better now that I'm away and if this helps just one woman get away from the pain than it is all worth it in the end.