From the inside looking out

From the inside looking out

‘Todays the day, B. We finally get to meet her!’ Jacob’s excitement was clear in his voice as he spoke. The room he was in; empty apart from himself. He sat on the small window nook. A warm cup of tea in hand, watching the outside world pass him by.

​Jacob and Beau had moved into this small bungalow pre-lockdown and pre-COVID. He would often sit here and remember what it was like when he was allowed to just live normally. Not like now. Now, he wasn’t allowed to see his family, his granddaughter Grace’s new-born child, he wouldn’t be allowed to hold her or kiss her. He was stuck, he felt like a toy in a shop window, on display for the world to see.

​They had found a way around the situation though. He and his granddaughter had found a way to for him to meet her child. Meet. Yes, but he knew it wouldn’t be the same. He’d have to stay at this window, stay and watch his granddaughter being brought up to meet him from a distance, a great big slab of glass in the way, separating them. He knew that this was the only way around it, but he wasn’t happy with it. 

He placed his mug down onto the bare wood of the window nook before looking over his shoulder. ‘Yes, I know, I know. I’ll grab a coaster’ he said quietly as he stood and slumped over to the centre table for one of the numerous coasters there. Beau’s obsession had always been coasters, she brought a stack of them back from every foreign country theyhad visited and adorned each table they owned with an assortment of international coasters. It was the bane of his life, but he loved her for it anyway.

‘Remember the day we first moved in here?’ He asked, still looking outside, a small bird caught his attention. Withhis cataract ridden eyes he couldn’t work out what bird it was from this distance, but Beau had told him a couple of weeks after they’d moved in that she had seen a wren here a couple of times, so he presumed it was the bird that she had started to call Wrenly. He bid the bird a good morning with a salute as though it were a magpie and went back to what he was sayingwithout waiting for a reply.

‘It was the most perfect of days. It was a blessing that we had sunshine that day, the first time in almost two weeks that it hadn’t rained.

Jason had already started to move all our stuff in before we even got here, remember? He was more excited for this place than we were, although our son didn’t ever really value our home before this one, not like we did. I’m sure he loved his share of the sale price too,’ Jacob laughed, ‘the sunshine was a good omen for us, don’t you think? You were like a drill sergeant when it came to getting the kitchen in order. You said any new home isn’t a home until you’ve baked a pie there, and you wanted to get to it right away. The smell of cherry pie stayed with us for days after. It was perfect’.

His phone buzzed against the coaster adorned centre table, he rushed to get it, knowing who would be calling him. His heart raced a little as he answered. ‘Hello. Hi, Gracey?’ He asked, a little out of breath from rushing the four paces it took to reach the table from the window.

‘Yeah, it’s me Pap. We’ll be there in ten minutes or so, we won’t be long, how’re you doing?’ she asked. Jacob thought Grace sounded a little tired, but with a new-born he expected nothing else.
‘That’s great!’ Jacob beamed. ‘Yeah, I’m okay thanks, you don’t need to worry about me, I’m a trooper’ he teased.

‘I know, I can’t help it, you know that. You must get so lonely.’ He could hear the tears in her voice as she spoke.

‘Gracey, lets keep today happy, please! He pleaded. After all, I get to meet your daughter! I’m so excited, I can tell she looks just like you even from the pictures.’ 

Grace took a second to settle down before answering. He could hear a man’s voice on the receiver, a little muffled but he still made out the words of encouragement the soft voice gave. He had always liked Dylan, Grace’s husband. Always thought he was sweet. Beau enjoyed his company too which made Grace happy.

‘Okay pap, well we’ll be there shortly. Keep an eye on the driveway and we’ll walk up when we see you in the window.’

‘I’ve not left this window all day’ he laughed ‘see you soon sweetheart.’

‘Bye pap!’

With that, Grace hung up the phone. The line went dead and the smile on Jacob’s face faded a little, looking to the far side of the room before going back to the window seat.

He sat there silently, twirling his wedding ring around his weathered finger where it had lived for almost forty years, never once had he taken it off, and he has no intention of doing so for however many years he has left.

A blue car pulled up outside, he saw Gracey get out and wave towards him, he waved back excitedly, seeing Dylan tuck into the backseat and slowly lift out his little new-born bundle of joy.

The two of them walked up to the window where Jacob waited ever so impatiently on the other side, a sleeping baby strapped to Dylan’s chest in a papoose. Their walk to the window felt to Jacob like it lasted a lifetime. He couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing as he watched, growing more impatient with each step they took.

His phone rang again, he answered it quickly.

‘Oh Gracey, look at her! She’s just beautiful!!’ He felt a tear roll down his cheek but didn’t bother wiping it away, there was no stopping them now.

‘Thank you so much Pap, I’m so sorry that this is all we can do, I wish you could hold her’.

‘Me too Gracey, me too! It’s all I want to do’ he heard Grace crying, but decided against saying anything, if this wasn’t a time for tears he didn’t know when would be.

‘Beau would have loved to be here, to see her. She loved you so much Gracey. She was so excited for you and Dylan when she heard about the baby’ Jacob smiled at her, she and Dylan smiled back at him warmly. Tears streaming down Grace’s cheeks now just like her granddads, he could tell that Dylan was holding back his own tears too, trying to be strong for them both before speaking up.

‘Jacob’ he said, clearing his throat a little, ‘I hope you don’t mind but we wanted to run her name by you’. Grace looked up and smiled at her husband before speaking again. ‘Yeah, we were thinking we could maybe call her Beau, Elizabeth Beau Richardson’ she smiled when she said the name.

Jacob felt a twinge in his heart when he heard the babies name for the first time, a twinge of happiness, a jolt of life straight to his system.

‘Yes’ he said, looking over his shoulder towards Beau. ‘Yes, I would very much like this’ a smile on all of their faces, a smile that wouldn’t fade for days.

Their visit was a short one, shorter than any of them wanted, but it was a cold day and they needed to get the baby home. Before grace left, she kissed her palm and placed it on the window, Jacob did the same, his hand wet from finally wiping the tears from his face, he could taste the saltiness from the tears when he pressed his lips to his hand.

He watched as they got back into the car, focused on the blonde baby that was already the spitting image of Grace, giving them a final wave before they drove off.

A sigh came from deep within Jacob. He twisted his wedding ring a little more before walking straight over to the cabinet which sat directly behind him. A picture of him in his hay day stood next to a blonde bombshell, his and Beau’s first holiday, the Trevi fountain in the background. Next to that picture was an urn around 10 inches in height, an off red colour with a rose pattern that spiralled around it, Beau’s favourite flower. Adorned over it was a silver necklace, a ring attached to it, a ring that matched Jacob’s own.

‘Did you hear that? They’re naming her after you, B, you’re a lucky sod’ he said with a smile before gently raising the draped ring and bringing it to his lips. ‘Miss you love…and yes, I’m going to rinse my cup now, don’t worry’ 
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