I First Noticed Her This Morning

I first noticed her this morning. I’d already been here four days, and the slight burn on my shoulders from early in the trip was beginning to peel. We must be staying at the same small beachside resort, because she and her friends had come down the private boardwalk I’ve been using, the one only accessible to those with a current reservation.

I was lost in Ellis’ American Psycho when a shrill cackling wrenched me back to the beach. It wasn’t her, of course. A sound so intolerable could never possibly come from someone so striking. It was one of the other girls with her. There were six of them playing soccer by the shore, all women, all in their late twenties. The tide had receded to its lowest point of the morning, leaving a flat, wide area of compacted sand that served as their field. They stuck two pieces of driftwood upright into the ground on both ends of their field for makeshift goals, and they laughed as they slid around in the sand, passing the ball back and forth.

She weaved across the sandy arena with the ease and elegance of a ballerina. What caught my eye, however, was not her athletic prowess, but the transparent azure cover-up she wore over her swimsuit. It flowed around her body like a vapor in the ocean breeze, dancing across her skin. I was so transfixed by that fluttering gauze and the memories that came flooding back with it, that I didn’t notice she was looking back at me. We made eye contact for an instant, and I quickly returned to my book, my heart pounding.

#

I first noticed him this morning. The girls and I had just gotten to the beach after a red-eye flight from Miami. We came here to celebrate the team’s first winning season, and of course we did it with more soccer. It felt nice to play with nothing at stake—no more championships, no risk of relegation, just playing for the fun of the game. Kelly even let out that awful laugh that just pierces your ears, when she slipped on the ball.

I think that’s what caused him to look up. He was the only other person on the secluded island beach. He must be staying at the same resort as us, or else, he’d walked a long way to find his spot. There aren’t any other hotels around, as far as I can tell. I could see his eyes were locked on my body, making their way up past my hips and stopping at my face. Something about the look of desire on his face gave me a chill. It reminded me of a crocodile watching its prey. When our eyes met, he jerked his head back down to his book. I went back to the soccer game, but I could feel his eyes on my back, watching me move.

#

She must have caught me staring, because the rest of the morning she threw furtive glances my way. From that moment, I was very careful to watch her more discreetly. After the girls finished their game of soccer, they waded out into the ocean to cool off. She removed her outer garment only long enough to rinse off in the shimmering, glassy sea. Then, she slipped back into it and laid out on a towel.

The six women that had shown up to the beach this morning had given me several options, all of them young and attractive, but there was never really any question—I had decided on her. Seeing her brought me back to my first time. She would be perfect. I continued to watch her from my chair, waiting for the chance to approach her. Her friends gave me no opportunity. The six of them stayed together until well after lunch time.

After an eternity, she rose from her towel, saying something to her friends, and began walking up the beach towards the boardwalk that leads to the resort. I made sure her friends weren’t watching and rose to follow her. I left a good deal of space between the two of us as we walked, so as not to alarm her, and I planned to approach her once we were closer to the resort. However, she glanced over her shoulder at me and quickened her pace. Soon she was out of sight, and so I decided to return to the beach to wait for another chance.

#

He continued to watch me the rest of the morning. He thought I didn’t notice him, but I did. I could sense him looking at me when I got into the ocean and when I laid on my towel to tan. I told Kelly I was going to head back for a drink. When I’d made it to the boardwalk I checked, and sure enough, he was behind me. I sped up, and after a few minutes, I had lost him. My breath felt shaky in my chest, as I made it inside.

#

I waited all afternoon, and finally, as the sun began to sink into the water, she came back to the beach. She no longer wore the see-through cover-up, but instead a beige knit sweater and denim shorts. When she reached the edge of the boardwalk, she looked in my direction. I think I briefly saw a smile flash across her face, but she was far enough away that I can’t be certain.

Her friends sat together, watching the sun slip below the horizon until the sky was painted with blood and fire. They watched with the wonder I remember feeling four nights ago. I, however, was used to the island’s sunset by now, and my mind was occupied by thoughts of her and that blue cover-up.

As the sky changed from red to pink to navy to black, her friends rose and left one by one. But she stayed. For the next hour we sat in silence, only fifty feet apart. Looking at the stars, and listening to the waves rolling onto the shore.

After a while, she stood to leave and paused, looking at me. I had a feeling that this would be my last chance. She turned and walked up the beach.

#

I stayed in my room for most of the afternoon. I was getting ready to meet the girls back on the beach, when I thought of the way he had first looked at my body this morning. I decided to change into my knit sweater. 

I had been in my room for several hours, and as I crossed the boardwalk, I wondered if he would still be there. As I stepped off the wooden path onto the sand, I saw him looking at me from his beach chair. I wasn’t sure, because of the distance, but it looked like he was smiling. I flashed a brief, polite smile in return and continued walking to our spot.

The girls and I watched the sunset together in silence. The beautiful display of warm colors staining the sky captivated all of us. As the sky finally faded to black and millions of stars appeared, the girls began to head back to the room. Within a few minutes, it was just him and me, sitting alone and listening to the rolling waves.

After looking his way, I rose to leave.

#

I followed her more closely this time. It was now or never. When she reached the boardwalk, instead of entering the narrow path, she stepped to the left of the wooden handrail, and entered the dunes covered with dense beach grass.

I thought I must have scared her, so I spoke up.

“Excuse me,” I said. She turned and looked at me.

I tried to find the right words, but when I reached her, I froze. She was holding a knife. Before I could run, she thrust it into my abdomen, taking my breath away.

#

I could tell he was behind me by the sound of his shallow breathing, as he raced to keep up with me. I went around the side of the boardwalk into the dunes, making my way through the thick beach grass. This was the perfect spot.

“Excuse me,” he said. But that was all he said before he noticed the knife I had concealed in my sweater. It really had been so long, and I really thought I was getting better. But from the first moment our eyes met, I had chosen him—he was perfect. There has always been something so satisfying about taking a man’s breath away.

#

She left me an hour ago. As I lay here, images of that blue cover-up dancing in the wind play through my mind. It was the same one my wife wore before she died six years ago. My therapist has told me that it’s alright to move on, but I haven’t wanted to. Not until this morning, when I noticed her.