The Hesos Paradigm

‘You asked me how it would feel,’ Ahmed said. ‘I told you it would feel like Earth.’

Xi stepped from the rover, and stared out over the world of Hesos. Purple trunked flora resembling baobabs stretched over the horizon, a vast foliage of silver capped leaves. The ground felt firm beneath her feet. The silver blades of grass rustled between her fingers. She couldn’t hear much through the envirosuit, but she had a vague sense of insects buzzing, a sensation of sound that she felt in her stomach above the growl of the rover.

‘Running atmospheric scans,’ Joe said through the comms. Xi glanced to Ahmed. His eyes stared back at her, full of meaning that Xi could not quite decipher. He was whispering something off the comms, his eyes occasionally flicking to the heavens.

‘And does it?’ Xi asked him. ‘Does it feel like Earth?’

Ahmed smiled, and nodded.

‘Not picking up on any airborne toxins,’ Joe said. ‘Air composition is comparable to Earth. Should be breathable.’ He paused. ‘Any volunteers?’
Before Captain Zawadi could speak, Xi deactivated her vacuum seal and removed her helmet. The world exploded into sound: chirrups and buzzing and melodic drones. The air smelled sweet, pollen tickling at Xi’s nose.

She breathed in the air of Hesos, and exhaled slowly.

‘Xi,’ Zawadi said. Her voice was crackly through the comms, projected through the atmosphere from the Intrepid above. ‘Confirm status.’

‘It’s breathable,’ Xi replied. ‘I’m fine.’

Ahmed removed his helmet, running a hand through the wiry black of his hair. His forehead was slick with sweat, his skin a little pale from the G-force discomfort of the rover’s descent. He smiled at Xi, and took a deep breath for himself.

The front of the rover opened up, and Joe joined them. He’d already removed his envirosuit, showing off his muscles in a tight, grey T-shirt. He grinned.

‘So,’ he said. ‘This is Hesos.’

For a moment, they simply shared smiles, allowing themselves to enjoy the thrills of intergalactic exploration. They were the first humans ever to set foot on Hesos, the first humans to breathe its air, the first humans to look upon its strange flora.

Ahmed broke the silence. ‘Oh,’ he said, his voice full of regret. ‘Look what the rover did.’

The three of them were surrounded with silvery grass, much of it flattened under rover’s bulk or scorched by its retrothrusters. But, at the front, a thick stemmed plant bled viscous sap. It was hard to tell where the stem ended and the roots began: it was a tangled nest of chunky appendages, exposed by the crater of the rover’s impact, throbbing gently beneath an alien sun.

Joe made a grimace, and then a smile. ‘Woops.’

‘Is it bleeding?’ Xi asked, getting closer. Ahmed held out an arm in warning.

‘I think it’s sap,’ he said. ‘But don’t get too close. We don’t know what this is.’

Xi nodded. She glanced over her shoulder at the alien baobab forest, dreaming of the creatures she might find inside. Six-legged spider monkeys with the gliding wings of flying squirrels. Dragonflies the size of her arm in colours not found in Earth’s nature. Birds with insect proboscises instead of beaks. The sheer possibility of it all reminded Xi of her childhood, of the green-flaked bridge that she saw only once, the green-flaked bridge that she thought might only have been a dream. It had led to a place behind a row of concealing conifers, somewhere unknown and exciting, somewhere unreal. She had felt herself be pulled to that bridge, something in her diaphragm pulling her forwards, a deep, cosmic yearning that stayed with her for years, waiting, dormant, until she saw it again. It had been real, or maybe it had just looked similar. But she was an adult, now, able to approach that bridge, able to touch the flake of its rusted paint, and to see what lay on the other side.

She blinked, glancing to Joe. He had a faraway look in his eye, staring towards the forest.

‘Hm,’ Ahmed said, standing beside them and looking out to the horizon. He sighed softly. ‘Hesos,’ he whispered. ‘It awaits us.’

‘What are you doing?’ Zawadi asked them through the comms. ‘You’ve just encountered alien life: get to work. Ahmed, take samples. Joe, I want a safety report on the rover. Xi, help Ahmed set up with whatever he needs.’

Joe shook his head, shaking free of his reverie. ‘Yes, captain.’

Before he returned to the rover, he glanced back at Xi.

Xi bit her lip, and frowned.

She watched as Ahmed removed a tiny scalpel from his kit, slicing off a layer of the vine. Orange-purple sap bubbled from the wound, sticky and viscous against the blade. Xi pinched her nose at the sweet pollen. Frowning, Ahmed syringed the sap into a clear plastic container, holding it up to the light of a foreign star. It pulsed rhythmically, slower and slower until it stilled to a quiet, almost imperceptible bubbling.

‘What do you think?’ Xi asked.

‘It’s definitely alien,’ Ahmed said, with a rueful smile. ‘But I don’t know what it is.’ He looked back at the plant, a thin layer of the vine hanging off like grated skin. ‘Would you hold this?’

He blindly reached out with the container, not realising that Xi had approached. The swing of his arm knocked her off-balance. Stumbling forwards, Xi instinctively steadied herself against the alien plant. She felt a series of sharp pricks along her palm.

‘Ah…’

A wave of incomprehensible feelings flooded through her, thoughts that were not quite thoughts, emotions that were not quite emotions. Later, when she would try to describe it, she would find herself incapable: just ineffable sensation that could only be grasped through half-metaphors, anthropomorphic fumbles towards something incalculably alien. Connectivity. Growth. Bliss. Those weren’t the right words, but they were the closest Xi could manage. An interwoven web of warm light stretching across the cosmos. The aching joy of roots extending through the undergrowth. A profundity of such infinite scope that it obliterated all restraints of time and space.

‘Xi!’ Ahmed called, but his voice seemed distant and muffled. ‘Are you OK?’

Emotions and memory tumbled together. She remembered lying in a rowboat, gently rocking to-and-fro. She heard dragonflies and birds and felt the warm sun against her face. In her mind’s eye were fields of pink plum blossom, sending her sneezing. Wang reached out to hold her hand, her teenage sweetheart, fingers interlocking as Xi’s heart fluttered in her chest.

Xi felt arms wrap about her. She sighed.

But it was Joe, pulling her backwards.

‘Hey, hey, Xi, are you alright?’ he asked.

‘Status report,’ Zawadi ordered.

‘I pushed her,’ Ahmed said miserably. ‘I didn’t mean to, but I pushed her. It’s my fault.’

‘Xi?’

Xi blinked, staring up at Joe’s face. Her hand stung, as if it had graced a patch of nettles. She smiled.

‘I’m fine,’ she said. ‘I’m fine.’

‘What happened?’ Joe asked.

Xi frowned. She blinked, her eyes adjusting to the sunlight. When she stumbled forwards, Joe’s arms steadied her.

‘Ahmed?’ Joe asked. Xi could hear the worry in his voice.

‘Do we need a med-evac?’ Zawadi asked.

Xi felt Ahmed gently hold her forearm and remove her glove. When she looked, she saw a series of pinpricks along her palm, uniform and leaking red.

‘It’s pierced the glove,’ Ahmed said.

‘Do we need a med-evac?’ Zawadi repeated. ‘Can someone talk to me?’

‘Sorry, captain,’ Ahmed replied. ‘I’m not sure. I’m just going to run some tests. Can you feel that?’ he asked, prodding at Xi’s palm.

Xi nodded. She winced as Ahmed took a blood sample.

‘Can you clench your fist?’ Ahmed asked.

Xi obliged. The pain was already passing, itching along her hand. ‘I feel OK,’ she said.

‘Ahmed?’ Zawadi asked.

‘I don’t know,’ he said, his shoulders drooped. ‘If we were on Earth, I’d say she was fine. But if you want to be safe…’

‘… a full detox?’ Zawadi prompted.

‘Yeah.’

‘I don’t want a full detox,’ Xi complained. She knew what that meant. Nausea. Drowsiness. Dehydration. Diarrhoea.

‘Better to be safe than sorry,’ Zawadi said.

Xi sighed. ‘I’m fine. Really. I’m fine.’ She smiled as a warmth unfurled across her chest.

‘She’s acting weird,’ Joe said.

‘Could be a neurotoxin,’ Ahmed said. ‘Captain?’

‘Give her the detox.’

Xi rolled her eyes, but held out her wrist for the needle. ‘I’m not tripping,’ she said.

‘Better safe than sorry, Xi,’ Zawadi said.

‘The detox is administered,’ Ahmed reported. ‘I can run the blood sample through the field kit, but, you know, it’s only the field kit.’

‘Take additional blood samples for the labs,’ Zawadi said. ‘In the meantime, conduct your analysis on the ground. Each drop is a huge expense. But I want the rover to be prepared for immediate evac. If Xi shows any further symptoms, I want you back up here asap.’

‘I’ll prep the rover,’ Joe said. He offered a hand to Xi, lifting her back to her feet. ‘Bit of advice,’ he said, with a grin. ‘Don’t touch the alien flora.’

‘It wasn’t her fault,’ Ahmed said, grimacing. ‘I pushed her.’

‘It was an accident,’ Xi said. ‘And everything’s fine. Stop worrying.’

‘We’ve taken proper precautions,’ Zawadi said. ‘Xi's right. Go about your duties and remain calm. The situation is under control.’

Xi sat against the side of the rover, awaiting the detox side-effects. She closed her eyes, listening to the noise of Hesos, the tranquillity broken by the beeping of the rover launch computer. She stifled a sneeze as she lay back her head, opening her eyes to gaze at the wisping, pink clouds. She smiled.

And groaned. She swallowed back a rising, nauseous bile. She began to sweat, dripping out of every pore. A dull pain kneaded her abdomen and she bent around it, reaching for a bottle of water. Ahmed popped out his head from inside the rover.

‘Are you alright?’

Xi tried to smile. ‘No. You poisoned me.’

Ahmed didn’t seem ready to laugh about it just yet. ‘Anything you wouldn’t expect from the detox?’

Xi shook her head. She winced as a cramp clenched around her bowels. Ahmed cringed.

‘Joe,’ he said. ‘Can you dig a latrine?’

‘Sure.’ Joe emerged from the rover with a foldable shovel. He winked at Xi. ‘Just don’t say I’m not a nice guy.’

Despite the discomfort, despite the cramps, Xi still had the wherewithal to give Joe the finger. He laughed, and disappeared around the vehicle.

‘It should only be for a few hours,’ Ahmed said. ‘I’m sorry, Xi.’

Xi wiped her brow. Her sleeve came away sopping wet. ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘You go do your thing.’

The Hesos star set over the next three hours. Between trips to the latrine, Xi tried to appreciate its beauty: the way the pastel pink light shone through the silver luminescence of the grass, the way the shadows of the alien baobab trees gently faded into nothingness. But then a pang of cramp would shudder through her, and she’d be off to the latrine again.

After another hour, the symptoms started to subside. The sun had set, and the only light came from the rover, bathing their surroundings in an electrical, yellow glow.

‘How you feeling?’ Joe asked, wandering over.

‘Better,’ Xi replied. She gratefully took the water canteen offered to her.

‘Drink up,’ Joe advised. ‘You lost a lot of fluids. Do you think you’ll be able to eat something?’

Before Xi could respond, Ahmed clambered from the rover. ‘I think I need more time,’ he said. He took a deep breath, mopping his brow. ‘Before we move on from here, ideally. Is that alright with everyone? Captain?’

‘Understood,’ Zawadi replied through a mouthful of static.

‘Is it a big deal, then?’ Joe asked, looking towards the plant. It continued to slowly throb, its vines slick with orange-purple honey.

‘Well,’ Ahmed said, glancing to Xi. ‘You tell me, Xi.’

Xi took another sip of water, savouring the cold balm along her dry throat. ‘What do you want to know?’ she asked.

‘I’ll be honest,’ Ahmed said. ‘I don’t understand this flora. It’s going to take better minds than me. I’ve just been taking as many samples as possible, running tests and logging results.’ He paused. ‘I have my theories,’ he said, ‘but they’re so Earth-centric that I don’t know if they’re even close to the mark.’

‘It felt weird,’ Xi said, smiling in apology. ‘I can’t – it felt like –’

Ahmed waited for her to go on. Xi frowned.

‘I can’t explain it,’ she said. ‘But – but I think we all felt it. Before I touched it, I mean.’

Ahmed nodded, but Joe raised an eyebrow. ‘What?’

Xi scratched her head. Her hair was sticky and wet. ‘It wasn’t as intense as when I touched it,’ she said. ‘But when we first noticed the plant, I felt… distracted. And I kept remembering this old bridge – it’s silly, really,’ she added. ‘It was just this bridge I was always fascinated with when I was a kid.’

‘You wanted to see what was on the other side,’ Ahmed said, nodding thoughtfully.

Joe frowned. ‘I felt something like that,’ he said. ‘There was the woodland near the place I grew up in… but –’

‘– it wanted us to explore,’ Ahmed said. ‘Wanted us to go somewhere else. It could be a defence mechanism.’

Joe shook his head. ‘That’s not possible,’ he said. ‘I ran atmospheric scans. There’s nothing in the air that could come close to explaining that.’
‘It’s an alien world, Joe,’ Ahmed said. ‘We might have missed something.’

‘You mean that I might have missed something.’

Ahmed held out his hands in apology. ‘I’m not trying to insult you. I told you: I barely understand this thing.’ He shrugged. ‘But there’s precedent. On Earth, I mean. Ophiocordyceps unilateralis: the zombie-ant fungus. It uses spores to influence the behaviour of carpenter ants.’

‘I’m telling you,’ Joe said. He was smiling, but there was exasperation in his eyes. ‘There are no spores in the air.’

‘I’m not saying there are,’ Ahmed said. ‘It’s just a proof of concept.’

‘If it’s not spores, and it’s not pheromones, then what is it? Magic?’

‘Of course not,’ Ahmed said. ‘Just something we don’t know yet.’

‘OK.’ Zawadi’s voice was muffled through the comms, but still held the surety of command. ‘We’ll apply the scientific method. Ahmed has hypotheses and will test them the best he can. But Joe’s right. Without the presence of pheromones or spores in the air, it’s unlikely.’

‘I agree,’ Ahmed said, smiling ruefully at Joe. ‘I’m just completely lost as to what the alternative is.’

‘I’d say coincidence,’ Joe said, shrugging. ‘We all remembered moments of exploration. Sure: we’re explorers, and we’ve just set foot on an alien world. It’s the kind of thing that gets us remembering.’ He grinned. ‘All this proves is that we’re all a little bit overly sentimental.’

‘No,’ Xi said. ‘It’s not that. It felt the same when I touched the plant, well, it was the same kind of thing. I had memories. It was… it was like a video replay of all the most wonderful moments in my life, all those moments that had felt…’ She gestured vaguely at the air.

‘I think the plant connected with your nervous system in some way,’ Ahmed said. ‘But, like I said, I’m at a loss, really.’

Joe frowned. ‘And what did it feel like, this video replay of yours?’

Xi smiled. ‘You won’t like it.’

‘No,’ Ahmed said, ‘go on.’

Xi sighed. ‘It felt like looking on the face of God,’ she said.

***

They ate in silence, spooning beans into their mouths. Ahmed looked thoughtful, but Xi could see Joe’s discomfort in the bunch of his shoulders. He hunched over his meal, staring downwards. The moment he finished, he muttered something about checking over the rover and disappeared inside.

‘Don’t worry,’ Ahmed said quietly. ‘He’s allergic to spirituality. It’ll pass.’

Xi smiled. She glanced at the plant. The sap was colourless in the dark, but it still throbbed, or pulsed, like a beating heart.

‘What are you thinking?’ Ahmed asked.

Xi bit her lip. ‘That you should stop taking samples from it.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s sentient, Ahmed.’

‘Why do you think that?’

‘Because I’ve felt what it feels.’

Ahmed smiled slightly. ‘Hypothetically.’

‘It’s communicating with us, Ahmed.’

Ahmed chewed his beans thoughtfully. ‘Maybe,’ he said.

‘We don’t know,’ Zawadi said through the comms. Xi bit her lip. She had forgotten that her captain was always listening. ‘What you felt might simply be an evolved defence mechanism.’

Ahmed nodded. ‘After all,’ he pointed out, ‘now you want us to leave it alone.’

Xi frowned. The plant continued to pulse. She could still smell its sap on the air, floral and sweet. ‘You’re religious, Ahmed,’ she said.

Ahmed’s eyes twinkled. ‘I am,’ he confirmed with a smile.

‘You believe there’s more to existence than what science can explain.’

Ahmed frowned. ‘I believe that science and faith are compatible.’

‘Regardless,’ Zawadi interjected. ‘We are not mystics. We’re scientists. We have to apply the scientific method.’

Xi sighed. Ahmed placed a hand on her arm.

‘It’s not that I don’t believe you,’ he said. ‘I know you’ve had a profound experience. But people say the same thing after taking LSD.’

‘I wasn’t high,’ Xi snapped. Ahmed raised his hands in apology.

‘I didn’t mean that. I just mean… Look. We agree that your contact with the plant produced some kind of neurological response. Contact with LSD produces a kind of neurological response. But we don’t say that LSD is sentient.’

‘LSD doesn’t talk to you.’

‘Some mystics would disagree,’ Zawadi said. The captain paused to let her words settle in. ‘We have to apply the scientific method. We have to treat this like something we can understand, until we’re certain we cannot.’

Xi sighed again, probing the back of her teeth with her tongue. ‘If we’re applying the scientific method,’ she said, ‘then we should stop neglecting a key source of data.’

Ahmed frowned, but Zawadi got in first. ‘If you mean more contact with the plant, then I can’t sanction that, Xi. It would be irresponsible.’

‘It’s not like I’m leading the research,’ Xi argued. ‘I’d report to Ahmed. He can make objective observations.’ She paused. ‘I think it’s important, captain.’

It was impossible to gauge Zawadi’s mood through the comms. ‘Ahmed?’ she asked.

Ahmed’s frown deepened. He glanced guiltily at Xi. ‘I wouldn’t advise it,’ he said. ‘But there’s no evidence that Xi’s been harmed.’ He considered for a few moments. ‘On the other hand, Xi’s exposure has been minimal so far.’

‘We can do it as carefully as you’d like,’ Xi urged. ‘Only increase the exposure gradually, do all the tests you want… and if it comes to it, you’ve still got a dose of the detox, right?’

Ahmed sighed. ‘Captain?’

Zawadi clicked her tongue. ‘Put together a detailed research proposal,’ she said. ‘I’ll review it in the morning.’

***

Profound interconnectedness. The sensation of slow expansion and contained, centred strength. Divine bliss rippling in tiny waves across the oceans of the soul. Transcendence. Neurosis obliterated in a thousand warm roots that enveloped and wrapped about the mind, whispering wordless reassurance and unconditional love.

Just half-grasping metaphors, and nothing more.

Then the memories flooded in again. Dragonflies buzzing over the bubbling of a lazy brook. Grass against Xi’s hair, coarse and rough but alive and beautiful. An infinite expanse of clear blue sky, an endless sea in which dreams could sail untethered. A butterfly, winging across her vision. The music of sweet creation, tickling and rustling and trickling water through shifting pebbles. The smell of tickling pollen and crisp, unpolluted air.
But it wasn’t just memory. When Xi opened her eyes, she could see that sky, both distant and immediate, nostalgic and current. A sun slowly blooming like a flower over the horizon. Baobab trees unfurling from the ground, folding upwards like strange reverse origami. The prickly touch of the vines and the honied sap, sweet on her nostrils and covering her hands in sticky, purple-orange goo. Xi sighed softly. She remembered meeting Wang for the first time: a dozen shy glances across a silent library. Blossoms sprouting from books, pollen speckling in the dusty air. She remembered the hospital where she met her baby sister for the first time, remembered the flutter of excitement in her belly, the way she stood on tiptoes to peep over the cot, the sound of encouraging, distant words, urging her on.

‘Hello to you too,’ Xi murmured.

But the moment could never last: after a minute or two, Xi would feel a hand on her shoulder that dragged her back, reluctantly, to the world. Then Ahmed would conduct a brief physical, flashing lights in her eyes and testing her pulse with two, slender fingers. Then Xi would write her notes, hesitant at first, but more effusive and joyful as time went on.

‘Dinner’s ready,’ Joe said, slouched over the pot. He was covered in oil and sweat, having busied himself with a minor issue with the propulsion levers. His shoulders were slumped. Ahmed yawned as he padded over to the fire. Xi smiled to herself. She felt fresh. Rejuvenated.

‘You going to eat?’ Joe asked. Xi smiled, and shrugged.

‘I’m not hungry,’ she admitted. Joe frowned, and passed her a bowl of stew.

‘Eat,’ he said. ‘It’s been hours.’

Xi bit her lip, but she took the bowl to avoid an argument. They sat together around the fire, Ahmed’s eyes fluttering as his head nodded in the twilight.

‘So,’ Joe said, ‘how’s it going with the magic plant?’

‘Joe…’ Zawadi warned, but Xi felt too cheerful to rise to the bait.

‘I think it’s communicating,’ she said. ‘I think it said hello.’

Joe scoffed. ‘Right.’

Xi shook her head. ‘I know we’ll never really know for sure,’ she said. ‘It’s too alien.’ She smiled. ‘But I believe it’s saying hello. I have faith that it’s saying hello.’

Joe shook his head, exasperated. ‘What do you think, Ahmed?’ he asked.

Ahmed blinked awake. ‘I think that I’m out of my depth,’ he said. ‘I’d like to stay here another day, if that works for everyone.’

‘That’s fine,’ Zawadi confirmed.

‘But what do you think?’ Xi asked Ahmed. ‘What do you think it is?’

‘It’s a plant,’ Joe interrupted. Ahmed’s lips curled.

‘It is a plant,’ he conceded. ‘But it can also influence us. At a distance. And I have no idea how.’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Maybe Joe’s right. Maybe it is magic.’

Joe laughed. Xi ignored him. ‘And what do you think about it, spiritually, I mean?’ she pressed.

Ahmed frowned. He thought for a few moments before responding. ‘I don’t think God would offer so distant a revelation,’ he said, choosing his words carefully. ‘I don’t understand why there would be a revelation on Hesos instead of Earth.’

‘But we’re here,’ Xi argued. ‘We’re discovering it.’

Ahmed tilted his head in acknowledgement. ‘That’s true,’ he said. ‘But I’m not prepared to consider this a gift from Allah just yet.’

‘I don’t understand why we’re talking about God or revelations at all,’ Joe said. ‘This is supposed to be a scientific mission.’

Ahmed shrugged. ‘I’m just making conversation,’ he said. ‘I don’t think we’re going to be the people to provide the answers, in any case. I’m taking my samples and Xi’s recording her experiences. We’re gathering data.’ He smiled. ‘Hopefully, someone smarter than me will be able to explain it.’

Joe brow furrowed, but he returned to eating his broth.

They settled down to sleep, sharing the tent. Zawadi had signed off for the night. Joe was snoring, his large arms hugged tight about his midriff. Ahmed whistled quietly in his sleep, his half-grown beard fluttering to his breath. Outside, an unfamiliar star map unfurled across the heavens, radiant and bright from a world untouched by industrial pollution.

When Xi was certain they were asleep, she tiptoed from the tent and back to the plant.

It pulsed unhurriedly, its vines slowly constricting and relaxing around what Ahmed claimed was a solid core of calcified sap. Rich honey oozed between the cracks. Xi dipped a finger into the sticky substance, holding it up to the starlight. It glistened ethereal purple against the baobab treeline.

Xi placed her finger to his lips.

It tasted sweet, but unprocessed: somewhere between honey and grass. Xi could feel it tingle against her tongue, slightly spicy, feeling warm against her throat. Memories of her mother’s stew flashed in her mind.

Xi took another handful of the sap, and ate. She felt the indescribable sensation of expansion and containment, of a liquid slowly dispersing across an infinite distance. She felt the oneness of the universe. She felt the plant.

She thought again of her mother’s stew. Of the meal celebrating her acceptance to the space program. Of those rich, aromatic spices and tingling sauces that blended sweet and sour in a clash of delectable tastes. The tang of alcohol, flushing through her veins and feeling warm on her cheeks. Xi remembered lying on a bed with Wang, limbs and fingers intertwining, nervous and clumsy but gentle and loving. She saw the ultrasound of her sister, the strange, potato shape that her father had said was a human life, waiting to be born.

Xi closed her eyes. She opened her arms wide and fell forwards.

Forwards into the embrace of God.