The Road to Heaven Passes Through Hell

Once upon a time… many, many years ago in a world long since forgotten, there was a country called Anywhere. And in the land of Anywhere there was a fine and prosperous city called Anyplace and in this fine city lived man who had two children, two boys, twins.
     Now this man was a Wise Man. Not “wise” in the sense of Kindly And Knowledgeable but wise as in the sense of Wise To The Ways Of The World and one of the ways in which he was wise to the ways of the world was that he had come to the understanding, at an early age, that this life rewards not the good but rather those who are selfish and greedy and who take what they want when they want it without regard to the thoughts, feelings or needs of others.
     Indeed he had come to the conclusion that Selfishness, Greed and a Lack Of Care for others were they keys to a happy life.
 
     He determined that he would inculcate this philosophy into his twin boys.
 
     So again and again throughout the twins’ childhood and adolescence the father told the boys not to listen to what they were taught at school or elsewhere about Being Nice To Others, or Being Helpful, or Caring…it was all nonsense and would lead to a life of poverty and misery. Instead, they should be Greedy, Selfish and put their own needs above those of others. There was no Judgement in this World, no Reward for Being Good. Never, he said, put anyone else’s needs before your own, never offer a Hand In Help to another person, never miss a chance to stab someone in the back or kick a man when he was down, never concern yourself with the Feelings Of Others. Take what you want when you want from who you want. This, he said, is the way to Fulfillment And Happiness and a Prosperous and Successful life.
     Both twins listened to the father’s oft repeated advice, but not both believed it. The first twin believed, for he was very much The Son Of The Father, handsome and intelligent. But had you met him, you would have felt there was something a bit dark about him, a Touch Of The Troll, perhaps. The second twin simply could not accept the father’s advice; he was more The Son Of The Mother and, whilst handsome and intelligent like the first twin, had a gentle and caring nature. Had you met him you would have thought he was an awfully nice chap, though perhaps a bit of a fool.
     With the inevitability of the Cycle Of Life, adulthood eventually called for the twins and they went out Into The World to Build Lives for themselves, the first twin applying the philosophy of the father to all things, the second rejecting it completely and simply being caring, kind, happy-go-lucky.
     And now we come to one of those points in one of my Tales From Anywhere at which you, dear Reader, expect a particular kind of ending. But, as I’ve said before, this is no fairytale, this is real life.
     What you want me to say is that after initial success from the application of Ruthlessness And Selfishness the first twin eventually had to pay a price for his wicked ways and ended up poor, alone, a broken man, whilst the second twin, after some initial struggles, eventually reaped the rewards of his Kindness And Compassion, became rich, married a beautiful woman, had gorgeous children and lived happily ever after. Well, I’m sorry, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this is real life, not a fairytale.
     Both twins went into the world of business. Both being bright and hardworking, both did well. But the first twin capitalised on his success, was Ruthless And Selfish, took what he wanted when he wanted and was happy to tread others into the dirt. He became a very, very rich man who was feared and respected, married a beautiful woman, had gorgeous children, had a fabulous time and lived happily ever after.
     The second twin, the Kind Compassionate One, never managed to take full advantage of his success in business, he was always thoughtful of the feelings and needs of others and never quite ruthless enough to Take The Necessary Hard Decisions. What’s more, being a Kind Fellow, he was always helping out others. Seeing such Kindness And Compassion, people around him considered him to be Stupid and Foolish, not a man to be feared and respected so they cheated him, used him, stole from him. As a consequence of his Kindness, which others exploited as Weakness, the second twin would end up emotionally and financially drained, he would lose his business, his home, his prospects and at the comparatively young age of 43 he would, in despair, end his life by throwing himself from a high window of The Asylum For The Strange And The Different.
     
     And the moral of this particular tale is: The Devil really does have all the best tunes and he absolutely does look after his own.
 
     Or does he?
 
     Now, this is real life, remember…
 
     Here’s the truth of real life and it’s far from plain and certainly not simple. The version of the twins’ story you have just read is the one told by The Greedy One Percent to their children as part of their education in how to become effective, society-killing sociopaths ready to assume their natural position in life: ruling over The Ordinary Folk.
 
     This is the real tale.
 
     Both brothers are indeed exposed to the father’s sociopathic philosophy, one does follow it, the other does not.
     The first twin does indeed become rich through his lifelong exercise of viciousness, but his world is essentially vacuous and loveless, despite the trappings of wealth and the Trophy Wife.
     The second twin is indeed Kind And Caring. He never becomes rich, but neither does he Want Unduly. Those in life he is kind do not regard him as a fool, rather as a Good Man. He lives a life full of love and true riches.
     The second twin does not despair, is never incarcerated in The Asylum For The Strange And The Different and does not take his own life.
     In fact, both brothers (in a bizarre, synchronicity-laden turn of events such as can only be Spun Together by the Blind Old Weaver Of Fate in her Random, Capricious Sightlessness) died of natural causes on the same day.
     Together their Souls travelled across the Broad, Bright. Blue Sky to That Which Lies Beyond where a somewhat Ragged And Dyspeptic Angel would point out to them, far away in the distance, a Shining City high on the top of steep Hill. The Angel would, disinterestedly, explain to them that the City On The Hill was Heaven, but to get there they first would have to traverse the vast expanse of land that surrounded the Hill, that land being The Foothills Of Hell, for it is well-known (in the land of Anywhere at least) that The Road To Heaven Passes Through The Foothills of Hell.
     Furthermore, explains the Angel, every man must make his journey through the Foothills Of Hell alone, that no man can make the journey successfully without the help of those he has loved and been loved by in his life. Each man has only from sunrise to sunset to make the journey. At sunset, Demons from Hell itself will pour through Hell’s Foothills and sweep up any souls still there, dragging them down to Hell where they will Burn For An Infinity.
     So, both brothers, separately, set out on their lonely journey through the Foothills Of Hell.
Each brother came across the same of the many hazards that the Foothills hide, for example the Bog Of Evil that slows progress to a crawl, the Plain of Shaking Stones that can break a man’s ankles as though they were matchsticks, the Jungle Of Impenetrable Thorns that rip flesh to ribbons or The Valley of Perpetual Darkness that suffocates with its gloom.
     At each and every hazard the second twin found people or creatures he had shown love or kindness to in his Earthly life there, waiting, ready to help and so he passed smoothly through the pitfalls of The Foothills Of Hell to arrive at the base of the Hill, atop of which soared the City of Heaven.
     But the hill was high, and oh so steep. How would he climb it? How could he climb it? But he need not have feared, for suddenly at his feet was Donkey. Donkey was, in fact, not a donkey but a dog, his beloved dog, the first that had come into his life to (as dogs do) teach him of love when he arrived and of lose when he left. The second twin had always loved Donkey dearly and had always treated him like a Prince. Now Donkey was going to Repay The Favour.
     Donkey looked up at his master, smiled (in a doggy way) and barked and a pack of Joyful Dogs emerged from behind a nearby small hillock and sprinted up to the second twin.
     The pack consisted of three powerful and large Alsatians, two feisty Jack Russells and five elegant Dachshunds. The Alsatians moved in close to each other, side by side, packed together. The Dachshunds jumped on top of the Alsatians and climbed one on top of the other, facing alternate ways and across the broad backs of the Alsatians whilst the two Jack Russells jumped up and stood on either side facing forward. They had formed a chair. A chair of dogs, but not just a chair, this was a throne, a Throne Of Dogs.
     With a bark of encouragement from Donkey, the second twin sat in this wonderful, living, strange Throne Of Dogs, buttocks resting on the Alsatians, back resting against the stack of Dachshunds and arms lying either side upon the Jack Russells.
     And Donkey began to run, to run like the wind, Barking Joyously and closely followed by the Throne Of Dogs and its human occupant, swiftly carrying the second twin up the steep Hill, to the gleaming City, to the very Gates Of Heaven.
     And the first twin? You know the answer to that question. He had no one to help him pass quickly through the Foothills Of Hell, his passage was lonely and bitter. Through sheer force of his Evil, Sociopath character he made it to the base of the Hill upon which the City of Heaven sat. But he was exhausted; his flesh bruised and torn, his ankles broken. He looked at the steep Hill and despaired of climbing it in time to escape Hell’s Demons. But then a glimpse of hope and salvation! For before him was Fox, a large, shaggy mongrel dog he had bought for his children many years ago (in a different time, a different place, a different life)! He remembered the words of the Angel, that only with the help of others could a man make it across the Foothills Of Hell, and others could surely as well be creature as human! Fox had remembered him, had come to help. Then the second twin recalled that both he and his children had mistreated Fox terribly during his lifetime (which they had ensured was short and brutal). He knew what was coming next and despair swooped in, a dark, black bird of prey, snatching away hope with its sharp talons.
 
     Fox chewed out both his eyes and tore of his kneecaps, leaving the first twin lying there, bleeding, blind, helpless and still in the Foothills Of Hell where he stayed until sunset, until the Gates of Hell opened and The Devil’s Demons spewed out into The Foothills, dragging him away to Hell and an Infinity Of Misery.
 
     And the moral of this story is: take care, for The Devil only has the best tunes in this time, this place, this life.