The Story of a Lifetime

Like many other things he did in recent months, Savio wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing. He went through the motions in predictable steps, redoing most of what he did in prior days. He walked in the store, and his feet guided him to the Romance shelf of the DVDs and Blu-rays section. With his thoughts miles away, he browsed through the movies. Three months ago, this would have been fun. He always liked touching the plastic of the covers, feeling the smell of a new product, checking the booklets. He kept his old DVD player with him, and it was still in great shape. It was satisfying to still press a button, see the disk tray poke its head from outside its hideout, and actually place a physical disk there.

Now, however, everything was monotonous. There was no smile on his face. His eyes scanned the movie covers, searching for the ideal movie he knew couldn't exist. Nothing was ideal since three months ago - since she was gone. They used to watch movies together during the weekends, with buckets of popcorn and a bottle of Pepsi. Nothing could bring back the moments they shared choosing movies in that same store, laughing at clumsy synopsis, or complaining about a few terrible DVDs they bought weeks before. There was no laughter anymore. There was nothing. Sara had died in a car accident, leaving him in a well of sadness.

In a mechanical movement, Savio took out of the shelf a copy of Silver Linings Playbook. He looked at Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence in the cover, their faces cut in half and their smiles completing one another. He couldn’t stop the memories from rushing in.
 
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“This can’t be good”, he said, a few months back, when she took the same movie out of the shelf.

“I took it like a second ago, how can you tell this isn’t good?”

“It is Catching Fire meets Joy. Can’t you see?”

“Stop sounding like an old hag. What if it is more like, Hunger Games meets Hungover?”

“Which hunger games? And which Hungover? You know that makes all the difference.”

“Ah, here we go.”

Sara hit him with the DVD cover and made a point of buying it. It ended up being their favourite romance movie. They would talk about it while getting ready to work and laugh about it over dinner.

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Something on the DVD cover was blurry. When he tried to clean it, he realised it was his own eyes. His hands were shaking.

“Bad memories?”

The voice came from another world. Savio pulled himself together and realised there was a man beside him, with a DVD cover in hand, looking at him with pity in his eyes. He wore a brown top hat, that fit perfectly with his brown overcoat, both looking like they came directly from a tailor two hundred years ago. His black beard had the occasional white hair, and was cut in perfect lines. He looked at Savio from above, such was his height. Savio didn’t know what to say.

“Did she leave you?”, said the man with the top hat. His hoarse voice had a disturbing tone to it. Savio quickly wiped the tears off his eyes and put the DVD back in the shelf.

“Sorry, but I don’t know you.”

He turned around, hoping that the man would leave him alone. He had problems enough already; there was no space left in him for small talk with random strangers. There was silence for a while, and he immediately went back to browsing the movies on the shelf. The man’s voice came back from behind him. It sounded closer; in fact, Savio felt his breath on his neck.

“Forgive my manners…”

“Jesus Christ!”

Savio took a step away from him. The man stood there holding the DVD with both hands, as if he was about to give it to Savio. He seemed confused with Savio's reaction, and looked older now, almost gentle. But his petrifying eyes still creeped Savio to the bone.

“Forgive my manners”, he repeated, “it won’t happen again. I just wanted you to know that there are people that understand your pain”.

He then, with great care, left the DVD on the shelf between them, and took a step back, somewhat knowing that Savio feared his presence.

“I would buy this movie for me, but I believe it will help you more than it would ever help myself”.

“You can take it, man”.

“No, no”.

The man raised his hand and shook his head, then left, disappearing between the sections as subtly as he once appeared.

Savio let his breath out. He tried to go browsing, but that strange encounter was all that he could think about. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that maybe he was a little too harsh with the man. Maybe that old man just saw the tears in his eyes and tried to help.

“That’s it, Savio”, he muttered to himself, “now you’re being mean to old people that just want to help. A few more days and you’ll be collapsing drunk in some alley, just like Daniel said you would”.

He had tried to change his attitude over and over again, but every time things started to get better, Sara would show up as a memory, or a dream, or he would see a woman in a random place that looked just like her. Then his heart would stop, memories would come back in waves, and he would be back where he started. Some people called it "depression". Others called it "just a phase". He just wanted it to stop. 

He looked at the DVD the man left on the shelf.
 

“The story of a lifetime”

“Starring Robert Sandnew, Catarina Esprinova and Gisele Brandão”

The cover were the faces of a man and two women, all looking at the horizon, with the wind blowing their hairs. They didn’t have anything extraordinary about them. Each one of them looked like people he could find in the streets, and would happily ignore. He never heard of any of the actors listed. Turning the cover, he read the synopsis:
 

“Three people, three stories and a flow of emotions. Delight yourself with the stories of Robert, Catarina and Gisele and their journeys through life”.

Even though he never heard of that movie before, Savio decided to buy it. Sara had introduced him to the world of indie movies, and he had developed a love for them ever since. He didn’t care about great visuals that costed millions of dollars. As long as the author was sincere, he usually had a good time.

One way or another, it felt like the right thing to do, after the way he had treated the old man.

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The night was already a suggestion in the sky when he got home. His phone connected to the Wi-Fi and insistently beeped with a string of message alerts that were now coming in. They came from his mother, his friends and family, both from his side and Sara’s, all of them with similar subjects:

“It is time to begin anew”.

“I know this is hard for you, but she wouldn’t like to see you this way”.

“We love you and only want the best for you”.

He was relieved that he now lived in another state, far away from his direct family. Sara’s family didn’t feel intimate enough with him to come knocking on his door without warning, and his friends from work kept a safe distance. Only Daniel kept a more active role in trying to bring him back to a social life, but there was no message from him that afternoon.

Savio didn’t even take his shoes off. He poured a can of pringles in a bowl, and some ice-cold Pepsi in a glass, and went straight to the living room. There, he took the disk for The Story of a Lifetime, popped it in the DVD player and pressed play. He expected to savour some of the potato chips while the usual vanity logo videos played, but the disk displayed the main menu instantly. It consisted of a black screen, with no background music, and only three options written in white:

> Robert Sandnew

> Catarina Esprinova

> Gisele Brandão

Apparently the movie was a collection of short stories, instead of a full-length film. That picked his curiosity, which was already a big change in his routine. The last few days were all about standing in front of movies he had already watched, half paying attention, half drifting away to some distant, colourless world. He would cry at some point, when something in the film would remind him of Sara, and sometimes he would cry so deeply that he would promise himself to get up the next day and change his life for the best, but he would forget all about when he woke up next morning, and the cycle would be repeated.

He selected the first option. The movie started with no introductory music, just a fade-in to the initial scene. Different from the indie movies he knew, though, this one had very high image quality. There was no soundtrack. The first scene covered the birth of a baby boy. It showed the happiness of his mother and the tears on his father’s eyes. It showed the relief and pride of the doctor that delivered him into this world. Everything seemed more real than the average movie: the sounds of hospital equipment, the multiple conversations happening at the same time. Savio felt that, if only he would pay close attention, he would be able to feel the odour of the hospital room.

A sudden cut introduced a new scene, where the child was already a little bit grown up. His name, as it was expected, was Robert Sandnew. The scenes were played one after the other, with no transitions or cues. There were no dramatic moments, no car chases, shootings, explosions or passionate kisses. Those were just the plain scenes from the life of Robert Sandnew, and Robert was a normal person.

And yet, he was quite the interesting normal person. He had a good early start, with a great family surrounding him, good financial status, and overall a lot of love. But later in life, he got addicted to heroine, and at some point almost died trying to steal money to buy more drugs. He decided to turn his life around, got back to studying, recovered control over his life and formed a beautiful family. He even helped his own daughter get rid of an addiction, and maybe he could only do that thanks to the lessons life had given him.

And then, it ended.

After a scene where Robert was already seventy-four years old, as soon as he drew his last breath, the screen faded to black. There were no credits, no final song. Just the hindmost darkness.

Savio was still absorbing all of that when the DVD cut back to the main menu, where the three options were again displayed. But, this time, a fourth option was listed at the end.

> Robert Sandnew

> Catarina Esprinova

> Gisele Brandão

> Savio Trangielli

His heart skipped a beat. He looked around, not knowing exactly what to search for. Maybe that was some kind of prank? Maybe that was the new way that the people that cared for him found to bring him back? He got close to the TV and re-read the name. It was definitely his. He let out a nasal laughter. Ok, you got me, he thought, and pressed play.

The movie that followed was impossible.

He watched his life, as if it was filmed by someone that he knew never was there. His birth. Him as a child, playing with his friends. Intimate moments with girlfriends from his teenage years. Moments of sadness and happiness that he knew he didn’t share with anyone. As in Robert Sandnew’s movie, there was no way to ignore the lack of soundtrack. It was like someone had filmed his entire life without his knowledge, and then condensed everything in a 30-minute movie. Watching it was like being out of his body; like hearing a second opinion on his own life. He was born to a poor family, that barely could keep the decaying house that was built by his grandfather. He showed great intelligence ever since he was little. He went to a great university when he was only sixteen, and then was discovered by a talent seeker that later got him hired by a big corporation to help them in their researches. He wrote papers that made theirs rounds around the world. He spoke in TED talks. His name was referenced in science magazines.

Then he met Sara, the new research-assistant. Savio watched himself falling in love again and couldn’t hold back the tears. That didn’t make any sense. There was no cameraman in his life.

The final fade-out came abruptly, during the pinnacle of his career and romantic lives, bringing him back to the present. However, the screen, instead of displaying a black emptiness, now showed a back angle of Savio sitting on his sofa, watching himself watching TV.

Savio raised an arm. The image in the TV did the same. He turned back in shock, getting away from the sofa, falling on the floor. He searched, but there was no camera there. Still, he knew that, somehow, the TV was displaying himself looking directly at the screen. He looked at it anyway, just to be sure. There he was, sitting on the floor, confused, watching a movie that watched him back.

“Savio?”

It was Sara’s voice. He felt a chill go down his spine. He looked around.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s me, silly. What happened? You look scared”.

His heart was racing. Somewhat reluctantly he looked back at the TV, and saw that Sara was standing in front of him, looking at him with her usual childish smile. He looked away from the TV and tried to find her where the screen suggested she was: the room, though, was painfully empty.

In the screen, Sara walked to him. She touched his face. He closed his eyes, feeling her touch. She was there, crouched in front of him, looking at him with loving eyes, as she did when she was alive.

“It’s ok, my love. You don’t have to feel this way. Come”.

She directed his face with her fingers and lay his head on her breasts. Savio cried. He hugged her in despair, speechless. There were so many things he wanted to tell her. He rehearsed those words for months – a speech he would say in front of her grave, once he developed enough courage for that – but nothing came out of his throat, just more sobbing.

He didn’t notice when he fell asleep. He slept on her lap, on the floor, with her hand cuddling his hair.
 
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He woke up to Daniel knocking at his window.

“I can see you. Wake up!”

Daniel’s voice took shape as he woke up from what seemed like a kind of torpor. Savio slowly became aware of the cold floor he had used as bed for that night. He tried to find Sara, but his friend’s harsh voice, calling him once again, pulled him back to reality.

“I’m coming”, he finally answered.

The TV was black. The DVD player was turned off. He felt the urge to press play again. He wanted to feel her touch once more; to hug her, like last night.

“What are you doing?”

Savio realised he had been looking at the empty TV screen. For the first time he actually looked at Daniel on the other side of the living room window. His friend was wearing jogging clothes. Savio remembered that he had scheduled a morning jog that day with David. He got up, and opened the door.

“What the hell where you doing on the floor? You’re looking like shit”, said Daniel,  “have you been crying again?”

“Good morning for you too”.

Savio left his friend in the living room waiting for him, then went to the bathroom to throw some cold water on his face. He looked at the mirror, hoping to see Sara coming to hug him from behind, like she used to. Instead, he just saw himself, alone in the darkness.

He went down the stairs looking the same as he was a few minutes ago.

“You're not coming?”, asked Daniel, half-knowing the answer already.

“I’m not in the mood of jogging today, Dan”.

Savio walked up to the door and held it open. He didn’t want any visits. He wanted Sara. Daniel would never understand that. Last night had not been a dream. He could still remember her touch; her breath on his neck; her soft skin.

“Savio… we’ve been through this”.

“Just today. I don’t want to leave home today”.

“Savio…”

“Man, just leave me alone”.

It broke Savio’s heart to see Daniel’s expression change from worry to frustration, and from frustration to sadness. Daniel left, and Savio closed the door behind him with a loud, unnecessary noise. Somewhere in his mind he regretted what he just did, but the desire to feel her again was greater than that. It overshadowed everything.

Savio sat again on the sofa and turned the TV and the DVD player on. His heart sank in his chest when the device displayed a message saying there was no disk inserted.

“You desire to see her once again, don’t you?”

The old man’s voice sounded less coarse now. Deeper. He was right there, in front of the kitchen entrance, wearing his top hat and holding a DVD cover with both hands, exactly like he was back in the store, the day before. Savio got up and took two steps back.

“What the hell is this?”

The man’s expression barely changed, and yet Savio felt like he saw a glimpse of a grin.

“What you experienced yesterday. Sara. You desire that.”

He did. More than anything.

“Who are you?”

“A film-maker. It was I who produced the film you watched yesterday. It was I who followed your whole life, since your birth until today, with growing curiosity”.

The man took a step forward. Savio took a step back, but his back touched the wall. The man took another step, ever closer.

“I’m a collector of good stories”.

“Get out of my house”.

“You can have her forever, you know? The story of both of you, eternally engraved, serving as inspiration for so many others, for decades to end. And you would live it, over and over again. When the end of all things come, still you and Sara will be there, your stories forever united”.

The man was so close now that Savio could look at the endless black in his eyes.

“All you have to do is say yes”.

“Yes to what?”

The grin in the man’s face was now beyond just a suggestion. It opened wide, defying the limits of human anatomy.

“To the contract, of course. Everything you must do is accept being the main star of this endeavour. You don’t even have to say it out loud. I’ll know when your heart says yes”.

“That’s enough, old man. I said get out of my house. Before I call the police!”

The grin came undone in a split second. The man didn’t seem angry, just profoundly disappointed. He turned around and retraced his steps in the same slow pace, then left the DVD on the table. He then opened the door, but before leaving, he looked at Savio one more time.

“It is simple, really. Your life from now on will be a terrible defeat. The light that shone in your path ends here. Your researches will fail because of your depression. Soon, the company will have no choice but to fire you, and your friends will abandon you. You’ll be all alone, even more than you are today. Eventually you’ll be able to overcome your loss, but you’ll be only a shadow of what you once were. You’ll try to follow your dreams, just to find that they all avail to nothing. In the end you’ll be laying in a hospital bed, remembered for but a few days after your death, and then forever erased from history. Think of this. Think of the difference between now and the future. What is the better scene to grant you a spectacular ending?”

The old man closed the door behind him, without waiting for an answer. Savio was shaking. The man’s words echoed inside him, and he took a long time to recover. He walked towards the DVD left on the table and saw that now there were four people on the cover. He felt a knot in his throat, as he saw Sara’s face there, alongside the other three he already knew. She looked at the horizon with sad eyes, trying to hold in vain her hair that danced with the wind.

Savio sat down and put the DVD on. He felt defeated. He wasn’t impressed to see her name in the menu, now, as the last option: Sara Manfrini. He tried to press play, but hesitated. He felt like Sara’s own hands were holding him from doing that, but still he insisted, and pressed the button. The movie of Sara’s life story began.

The next thirty minutes were a sublime mix of emotions. He got to see her again, from angles he didn’t see before. He saw her lies, and smiled when he realised that she, too, lied about so many things in her life. Who didn’t? He also saw her truths. He saw her dreams, her deeds, and her loves. He saw the first time that she ever laid eyes on him. He watched as both of them started a life together.

Then he saw the car. The accident. Her body flying through the shattered window and falling on the rocks. Her life leaking away. Then he could feel her emotions; everything she felt before dying. Terror, hate, madness, pain. Longing. Then he saw himself in the midst of it all. He was there in her thoughts in the end, and all of the memories she held from him with her were good.

The movie faded to black, and then showed Savio’s living room again. Sara was right there by his side, sitting on the sofa, looking at him. He looked to his side and saw nothing, but when he reached with his hand, he could feel her face.

“You know what I want, right?”, she said. Her voice was a beautiful song.

He knew what she wanted. He held her hands and looked once again at the TV. She was looking at it with him. He smiled. There they were, he could see them again: all her perfect imperfections.

He closed his eyes.
 
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Daniel had already knocked on the door four times. Now he tried to see something through the window but couldn’t find Savio anywhere. His heart was heavy from what happened the day prior, and he wanted to talk to his friend again. He knew that, during that phase, Savio didn’t have many people to rely on. It wouldn't be a stupid argument that would drive him away from trying to help him.

“Savio?”

He knocked on the window glass again. Savio showed up from the stairs, wearing jogging clothes. Daniel opened his arms, demanding an explanation.

“The hell were you doing? Sleeping late?”

“Can’t a man take a shit in peace?”

Daniel saw in his eyes a spark that had been missing for a long time. Savio smiled. Daniel laughed. When Savio was closing the door, Daniel saw the DVD over the table.

“Is that a new one?”

“Not exactly. It is quite old, actually”.

“Did you watch it already?”

“Yes. But I wouldn’t watch it again. Not very believable”.

Then he jogged away, and Daniel followed behind.
 
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In the living room, the old man with the top hat got back his DVD and sighed with renewed disappointment.