Facing Mortality

Oliver had been diagnosed with a genetic disorder. He’d been in and out of the hospital for the last two months. Nobody could figure anything out. Until one of the Hospitalists looked through nearly ten different textbooks to make sure he had the right disease. An incurably fatal one at that. The only treatment available being management of his health issues. Oliver, as usual, dove deep into research. As much as he could possibly do. When he had the energy to do so anyway. He wasn’t sure he’d make it to the end of the year. Or to next month. 

Every day was different for him. He had no energy most days. He struggled to do basic things some days. Other days he didn’t even get out of bed. He simply had no energy to get out of bed. He’d planned for the end of his life. He wanted nothing more than to travel the country for as long as he could. He just wasn’t sure how he was going to do that. He’d finally gotten Disability. It took the person assigned to his case going about his case differently. She fought for him far more than anyone else had. 

He’d decided to spend his last days in Miami Beach. He knew traveling simply wasn’t an option. Not anymore anyway. He’d traveled to Colorado, New York and to see family in Illinois before no longer being able to travel. He was happy with that. He wanted to spend his last days in Colorado at first. His heart led him to Miami Beach instead. The smell of the sea, the peacefulness, everything about the area really, had drawn him there. He used most of the back pay to pay for the Hotel he was staying in. He’d told them everything. He’d left detailed instructions as to what to do in the event he died while there. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Eli asked
“Positive. I’ve traveled to the main places I’ve wanted to-” Oliver began
“Yeah. But you’re giving up. You’re-” Eli began before Oliver cut him off
“Dying. This disease is incurable. I’m GOING to die whether you want it to happen or not. Quantity over quality. I’ve come to terms with everything in my life. I’ve accepted my fate. Trust me. I’ll be okay” Oliver told him
“Okay Oliver. It’s just hard for me to-” Eli said in tears
“I know. Trust me I know. Life happens. This is part of it” Oliver replied

Eli had grown close to Oliver. Both are Trans men who went through a lot. He’d essentially become Oliver’s caregiver in his last days. Oliver had accepted his fate. Eli saw that. That his life was going to end far too soon. His life hadn’t been what he’d hoped for. He’d gone no contact with nearly everyone he knew after coming out as Trans. People he’d thought would be supportive who turned out to be anything but supportive. Even after he shared everything. How he’d known from a young age who he was. He was going to live his life as happily as he was able to until the end of his life. He’d let his actions speak for him. People had already done the same after all. He’d shamed everyone for their ignorant behavior. His last words left people thinking. 

He knew time was coming to an end. It felt like he no longer belonged on this side of the veil. That Grim was coming for him. Soon. He’d let all the managers know after that. He sorted everything over a few days time. He’d put labels on the top of everything. He’d sit on the balcony watching the sun rise. He’d do the same at sunset. He’d smoked cannabis each time. He’d accepted his fate. He was okay with the life he had. He’d lived it happily. He’d been openly Trans for the last few years. His modest career in the Writing field prior to and since getting Disability left him feeling fulfilled. His published works left an impact on many. The advocacy he spent the last six years doing left even more of an impact. 

“Grim’s nearby isn’t he?” Eli asked
“Yeah, he is. He’s been visiting me more often
“I’m-” Eli began
“I know. It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m ready. It’s okay to grieve. There’s no time frame on grieving. We’ll see each other one day. I’ll be around. Not physically. I’ll be around though” Oliver said
“I know. It’s just going to be hard” Eli cried
“I know. I’ll make myself known. Promise” Oliver smiled 

His death day had come and gone. Charlie found him. They’d set up a check in system in the first week Oliver was at the Hotel. If he didn’t answer or respond in ten minutes the Manager On Shift would go check on him. Charlie often bypassed this and would go to Oliver’s room to check on him at the start of his shift. A full minute of knocking on the door left a sinking feeling in the pit of Charlie’s stomach. He knew what he was opening the door to. Charlie found Oliver on the balcony. He looked peaceful. Charlie reflected on their brief friendship. How much of an impact Oliver had on him. How much he’d miss Oliver. He vowed to do something in his honor. To make a difference in other’s lives.