Hope

Ari hadn’t been so sure he’d make it through the depression he’d been experiencing for the last ten years. The toxic living situation he’d been living in didn’t help. A job that lacked hours and decent pay depressed him even more. He was never able to save enough to leave. Or get the bare essentials. Very few understood when he shared everything. They had decent jobs. Decent pay. Livable wages. Their lives were spent an hour and a half away, in a city, where livable wages were normal. His life in a small town meant for kids and retirees meant the pay and hours matched both demographics. He’d stopped talking as a result. He’d realized just how little people really understood about what he’d shared. That they’d never understand what he was going through. They were going through their own struggles. Struggles that looked far different than his. 

Blind faith had been the only thing keeping him alive for a while. Until he’d lost all hope. He didn’t see himself ever being able to save enough to leave. Holidays brought more hours. Which meant more pay. He’d get things he’d gone without with the slightly increased pay. He’d taken a chance by stocking up on bare essentials with the last paycheck of the holiday season. He’d retreated into himself far more than before. He’d let his mind go down a road he’d known would concern everyone if he said anything. The cyclical depression had begun taking its toll on him. He’d spent his days wondering if he’d ever be able to leave. Or if he’d die by his own hands. 

His thoughts of ending his life had become part of his days off. He wanted to live in hopes of things getting better. He wasn’t so sure it would happen though. The cycle of not being able to save money, along with Jackson’s increasingly hateful comments didn’t help. Jackson’s ignorant comments didn’t help either. Ari had suspected Jackson of having Dementia. On top of other health issues he’d been having he wasn’t dealing with. He’d taken steps back over time. He’d applied the “you can’t help someone that doesn’t want it” to life. Jackson didn’t seem to want any help so he stopped helping. He let Jackson live with the decline in fine motor skills. Along with the Diabetic Neuropathy in his feet that’d gotten worse. Ari kept to himself far more than before. 

He’d begun going about everything differently. He’d managed to save a little bit to finally leave. He knew he’d be homeless when he left. He didn’t care. He’d seen job openings he could apply for. Jobs that paid better. That would lead to more opportunities. He’d taken a leap of faith after saving a little more than two thousand dollars. He’d looked into various resources he knew may help after leaving. He’d mass applied to jobs in Miami Beach. He left after donating nearly everything. He’d packed everything he planned on taking with him. The bare essentials being the only things he was taking with him. A job as a Dishwasher at an upscale restaurant had been scheduled for the end of the week before he left. He had hope he’d never felt before. And happiness he’d not felt in a long time.