Leaving Toxicity behind

I’d never felt loved by the relatives on my mother’s side. The ones that lived in the town I grew up in anyway. I hadn’t noticed it growing up. Not until after my maternal grandmother’s death anyway. My mother’s death four years prior broke me. They’d not checked in on me, or my dad after either death. I noticed the toxicity as time went on. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. The “love” they showed began to seem far more obligational after a while. Their actions began speaking louder than anything they would tell me after a while though. 

Actions speaking louder than words ever will was something I noticed after my grandmother’s death. They seemed to have distanced themselves from me. For the most part. The few links connecting me to them passed years later. The result being they didn’t seem eager to interact with me at all after that. I began letting my actions speak for me. Especially since they’d done the same for the last ten years. The last five since my Aunt died especially. I knew there’d come a time, at the right time, where I’d be able to tell them all my unfiltered feelings. It was dad, his health issues, and me telling  him what he needed to hear that changed the course of my life. In ways I hadn’t thought about yet. 

“You can’t help someone that doesn’t want it. And YOU don’t seem to want it. I’m done trying with you. You’ve lied to me UNNECESSARILY. YOU let all of this happen by not taking care of yourself. You’ve not gotten things done that needed to happen so you could live a little longer. What happens after I walk out that door is solely ON YOU. Plain and simple” I yelled at him. Loud enough for others to hear
”You’re overreacting, it’s-”
STOP downplaying it. Doctors, along with everyone else, are seeing right through your lies. Dr. Banley told you MULTIPLE TIMES that you needed a different treatment for what’s going on with your heart. You refused to listen. THAT’s why he refused to help you any further. That’s why none of the doctors, your own primary included, stopped trying. You clearly aren’t going to cooperate. So why bother” I yelled before walking out

The confrontation had finally happened after dad died. His unexpected death came after he hadn’t taken care of himself. He hadn’t gotten various things checked out that needed to be checked out. He downplayed everything to everyone. Not to mention the fact he lied to me as well as everyone else. The heart issues he experienced put him in the hospital. Doctors told him he didn’t have much time. It was nothing compared to me telling him everything that he needed to hear. I told him I wasn’t coming back. He didn’t seem to want help. So I stopped helping. 

“Why are you behaving like this?” One of my relatives asked
“Actions speak louder than words. Ya’ll let your actions speak for you. Not one of you bothered to help me or dad in the last year alone. Not one of you bothered to see if either one of us was doing ok. Phone goes both ways ya know. Ya’ll never bothered to reach out to us” I yelled at them
”We do have our own lives too” my aunt argued
“NOT an excuse. I have my own life as well. I still reached out at times. None of you used any form of communication to check in with us. Not one of y’all did any of that. My mother, grandmother, and great grandmother would be ashamed of every single one of you” I retorted
”But-” my cousin Theresa began
”But nothin! Ya’ll are no longer welcome in my life. End of story” I stormed out and went home

The job opportunity I got in Miami Beach was the best thing that happened to me. It wasn’t even a month left on the lease to the house he and I had been renting when I got the job. A job as a Proofreader was something I knew I could do. Despite my lack of experience. The few references I had was enough to help me get the job. It also meant I was able to move down to Miami Beach. Far away from the town that never once loved me. It also meant I was far happier than before. 

I left at the beginning of May to fully move into the apartment I began renting. I was allowed to work remotely so far. They were understanding of my situation. That I needed to get my affairs in order before being able to move to Miami Beach. I’d be using the little money left to me to help me survive until I left. I’d taken a weekend trip to Miami Beach. To meet my bosses, co workers, as well as find a place. My best friend came with me. His car filled with my things in case I found a place before we left. I’d somehow managed to do just that. Unsurprisingly to Gio. He knew I’d likely find a place. A studio apartment was all I needed. It meant I could also come down whenever I wanted. I’d been able to move nearly everything I wanted to move down by the time I left. With Gio’s help obviously. I’d let the Realty company know I was fully out of the house before I left for good. I’d kept dads account open out of convenience. I had my own bank account for a while. I could’ve transferred what was left of his to mine. I didn’t want the hassle. It was better to use it until there was little left. So I could take out that little left, close the account, and use the cash. The move, the job, the new beginnings, was the start of a new life for me. A far better life than I had before.