Sunrise

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS STORY DOES CONTAIN MENTION OF SUICIDE AND SUICIDAL IDEATION







Julien’s life hadn’t been easy. Not to mention far from normal. He’d been through far more than most in his short life. His peers admired him for moving through the life he’d been through. He didn’t see it that way. He’d been in survival mode. His mother’s death, being Transgender Man, being seen as the black sheep, and having Disabilities that threw him into a deep Depression. He’d seen no hope in his future for a while. His life had been in shambles. It’d been that way for a while. For a while, he didn’t see any other way out. 

The confrontation between Julien and his dad didn’t help. His mental health had gotten worse after he left the area he grew up in. His dad was placed into an Assisted Living Facility after being diagnosed with Dementia. It meant he was homeless. He’d already left by that point though. With two thousand dollars to his name and a Writing Portfolio. He’d left for New York days after Blair was moved into the ALF. Blair had never loved Julien for who he was. They were constantly arguing over it. Julien knew his mother would be ashamed of Blair for not loving him for who he is. She would’ve loved him for who he is. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Rowan asked while they waited for the train
“Yeah, I am. This is a new beginning for me” Julien replied 
“Yeah, but-” Rowan began
“But nothing. There’s nothing left for me here in Florida aside from you” Julien retorted
“And I’ll be following you at some point too” Rowan said
“Exactly my point. My life has been in shambles here. I have a chance at life in New York. A sunrise to a new day for me. Here, I have no chance” Julien grinned

Rowan knew Julien wasn’t wrong. He hadn’t been able to find or maintain a job. He shouldn’t even be working because of his health issues. He hadn’t been able to get Disability. He wasn’t willing to wait anymore. He’d been rejected five times already. It was a few months of waiting each time only to be rejected. Nobody wanted him because of seeing him as a liability. Their response being “he’s not a good fit” to avoid any discrimination. Despite it being blatantly obvious. He knew he had a better chance in New York. 

Julien had fallen deeper into depression after moving to New York. Nothing had gone the way he’d hoped. He thought about ending it every day. He didn’t want to live his miserable life anymore. His suicidal ideations were overwhelming. He reminded himself why he’d moved to New York. He reminded himself why he was applying for the jobs he’d applied for. It didn’t stop his mind from thinking of ways to end his life while he sat in one of the rooms of the abandoned building he’d been sleeping in. He kept reminding himself of the good in his life. 

New opportunities came his way. Finally. A twenty minute conversation with a Restaurant Owner one evening led to him having a job as a Dishwasher. Constantine had taken a chance on him. Julien had confirmed he was homeless during the conversation. Constantine told him he could live in the studio apartment above the Restaurant for the foreseeable future. His new job and place to live were stability he hadn’t had in the last three months. The sun was finally rising on a new day. He hadn’t thought it would ever happen. His co-workers admired him. He didn’t complain. He liked his job. 

“I am so proud of you. And happy you stayed” Piper smiled
“Thanks. I had to keep reminding myself why I’m staying” Julien replied
“I know it’s not always easy. It’s worth it. There’s always help even when it doesn’t seem like it” Reagan chimed in
“My life had been in shambles for a while. As if life didn’t want me alive. I kept fighting knowing better days would come. My mind kept telling me I was a burden. I didn’t listen” Julien sighed
“You three ready to go?” Constantine asked
“Yeah, see you two tomorrow” Julien smiled 

Julien sat in his apartment looking back on the last three months. Where he’d been compared to where he currently was. How much had changed. How much happier he’d become. He was getting back on his feet. He had cleaned the studio before doing anything else. All six hundred square feet of it. It hadn’t taken him long. A little rearranging and light cleaning took a few hours. It wasn’t much. Julien didn’t mind. He didn’t want much. Constantine hadn’t used it much. It was a space for naps for anyone that needed it before he let Julien move in. 

Constantine had just put a new bed in the studio a few days before the conversation happened. A Queen bed that Julien had put by the window. A mattress and box spring and nothing else other than appliances in the kitchen was all he needed. He had storage bins he could put his belongings in. Storage bins strategically placed around the studio. Julien laid down for the night knowing his life was finally getting better. He met people who love him for who he is. People who showed him life does get better even when it doesn’t seem like it.